Annals of the Anti-Sex

Last night, staring back at myself in the mirror, I had a moment of clarity. I suddenly realized that I have become the Anti-Sex. When you’re not in a relationship nor have any interest in anyone, you begin to see the world through different eyes, and the world begins trying not to see you through their eyes at all. I closely examined the shape my appearance was now assuming, starting at the socks. They were pink and pink striped, pulled half way up the calves, and speaking of calves, can I say they’re kept warm by the “extension of my bikini line,” yeah gross. Then there are the boxers, floral and speckled with black hair dye and god knows what else complemented by an oversized white champion t-shirt with cut-off sleeves that I took from my mom’s closet, not because it was cute, but because she’d never notice it was gone nor care. We won’t even delve into the quagmire of my “looks like I just got back from running on a humid day on the east coast” hair and face. Ultimately, with no prospects in sight and no real care to find any, becoming the Anti-Sex was and is very natural. And spare me the…. Here’s the admission… Yup, going to admit something here to myself and to all those that I’ve lied to… I don’t remove the bikini line leggings just for me. I mean c’mon, I’m not going to endure the pain and suffering of lying face down with my hands spreading my butt cheeks, so Ms. Ho Chi Mihn from “YooYa Nows (Union Nails)” can pour hot wax down my ass-crack while she tells her friend on the phone in Vietnamese how she hates her job and can cover the heads of a hundred bald men and stuff a thousand pillows, extra-firm, with the hair I have in my crack alone. No, I’m not suffering that shit when I KNOW someone other than me and Thuy Nguyen will NOT being seeing the results. And there I was, the Anti-Sex, lying in bed with my childhood androgynous amputated bear still sporting pink pin-stripped cabbage patch overalls decorated with dinosaurs (no joke) and right leg just as furry as my own, and said to him-her, “Rainbow (actual name; hence the androgyny) it’s just you and me kid.”