It's My Birthday!

27 today, yeay!

Topic: Toilet Seat Covers

Since my dad visited a couple of weekends ago, I've been thinking more and more about toilet seat covers. My dad's a doctor, well a psychiatrist, but a he went to medical school, so he knows about shit you can catch from a toilet seat, and frankly, it isn't much. Frankly, it's almost nothing and many other odd factors, like time and moisture have to all be in place.

So then why our obssession with toilet seat covers? I'll tell you why I use them... because I'm a sitter... yes, I like to sit. In this world of squatters and sitters, the sitters need to protect themselves against the messy habits of those squatters.

Squatters:
1. Piss on themselves.
2. Piss on the seat.
3. Piss on the floor.
4. Piss everywhere.

Sitters:
1. SIT IN THE SQUATTERS PISS, YOU FUCKING SQUATTERS, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, AND FUCK YOU!
2. Listen to the sound of their piss and shit break the paper.
3. With light shits, the paper rips slowly, and it's almost too close to the kooder (sp?).

Both:

1. Worry about some disease they won't catch from a toilet seat.

Why I decide to write about this today? In a rush today, I accidentally sat on the toilet seat at my birthday lunch restaurant. And what happens? Piss on my ass, piss on my thighs, so much piss I don't even realize it, and I zip my jeans only to still feel piss all over my backside. Now I have piss on my jeans, dried piss.

I'm pissed. It's my birthday you fucking pissing squatter!