Sappy and Half Written, Forgive My Ass ;-)

My excuse is the new job. It’s been two and a half months, and I’m still all consumed by it. As some of you may have noted, my blog postings were typically written while at my last job during my down time. Now, at the new job, I don’t even have a second to breathe, and I really mean that.

When I get home, all I want to do is turn my mind completely off.

It’s frustrating to have all the creative juices sucked from your soul. But, I know I am where I need to be right now.

Hm, that’s an interesting thought. Since I’ll be turning 30 this year, I have my moments of what age and time mean to me. What I realized is exactly what I just said “I know I am where I need to be right now.”

I am happy with the decisions I’ve made in my life. I only have one regret, which I’m not going to get into, and it’s not anything anyone would consider juicy. By no means.

Would I like to go back in time? Be younger?

Not at all. I’m glad that my mind has settled, somewhat. I went through the gamut of emotions in the past ten years, and I’m more than happy to have overcome, again somewhat. Of course I have like five gazillion things to learn, but I feel okay. I feel like I’m going to be okay.

I was recently visiting my sister and friends in New York. One evening, my sister and I found ourselves at a party where our friend who brought us there had left. We knew no one in the beginning and everyone in the end. We were even making dessert. We’d look over at each other and think, “what the hell?” We were suddenly cooking at some stranger’s house and making sure the guests had what they needed. Okay, perhaps this wasn’t the first time I did that… hey, I like people, and I like parties. Haha.

Anyway, tangents-tangents-tangents. There was this guy – he was gay, so don’t assume the story’s going ‘there’ – he told me about the hell in which his life currently was. He had every right to be fucking pissed, but he wasn’t, and he told me why.

One evening on his way home, he and the cab driver engaged in a conversation. He asked if the cab driver was happy. The cab driver told him he was. Then he asked how he did it.

“Every day is a good day.”


Sometimes I Say What The Hell About Myself:

- I turn up the volume when I watch foreign films with subtitles
- I once had my gynecologist check my head for lice. And, that was just last summer. August to be exact. She told me that she does it for her daughter’s school. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac you see. Oops. I didn’t have lice nor anything else for that matter. Phew!

Morally Reprehensible:

One Saturday evening I received a text from Flavor Flav telling me he’d be in the neighborhood that evening. For whatever pms reasons, I really needed to satiate my skin on skin desire. I actually planned to call an old hook-up who was recently single. He lives 30 minutes away, but told me he’d come at any time of night.

With two options on my plate, how do I decide?

- Flavor Flav lives in the city. He and I could bang, and he wouldn’t have to spend the night. Whereas other boy, albeit an amazing fuck and totally single, would have to spend the night. Yes, that is what it boiled down to. God, I’m such a bitch.
- Morally reprehensible part – I know Flavor Flav is “dating” some chick. He plays it down or at least I think he does, and I just don’t ask questions. I don’t ask if they’re committed.

I have a difficult time with the idea of cheating. People have their “things.” That’s mine. We can go into all the psycho-analysis of it, but it boils down to the biological-father-issues. Cliché!!! So, it’s really out of my character to not probe more into their situation.

So I propose to myself:

No sex until it's with someone I truly care about.