Be Nice.

Why am I such a bitch? I know it’s, ahem, that time of the month where we’re all a lil’ more irritable, but even aside from this week, I’m a total bitch! I really want to be nice. I really really do. I run entire conversations through my head, where I say something horrific, the person gets his or her feelings hurt, and then I feel bad. So, I’m standing there screaming in my head, “Don’t say it! Don’t say it!” And, oh shit, there it went. I said it. It’s like where the fuck is my control? And why the fuck am I thinking such mean thoughts? I should be chill. I should just let things roll off my back… not sweat shit. But I’m the complete opposite, and I fucking hate it!

So, “God” goes and makes a few people… sets our world up to essentially be interdependent, but what the fuck, we all can’t get along? Throughout our days we’re constantly antagonizing one another, rolling our eyes, talking shit.

We have all these lil’ insecurities, like “why didn’t so and so invite me to her birthday?” or “oh, you hung out with so and so without me, hm, that’s cool.” Is it age? I used to have a lot more patience and confidence (okay, relatively speaking), and I didn’t really care what people thought of me… I was just April, trying to be nice, like me or don’t. Now I’m a high-strung bitch who’s so fucking self-aware she’s being a bitch that it’s not even fun!