City Bus Etiquette, Learn It

1. I hate sitting on butt sweat on the bus, but I do it because I want the seat. While I’m sitting, all I can think about are my jeans absorbing someone else’s sweat.
2. I hate not knowing who to get up for on the bus. I mean how many wrinkles do they have to have. Might I offend a person if I think they’re too old to stand? It’s a tough call… shoe ins:
- People in wheelchairs, hey wait, they already have a seat!
- People with casts, only on their feet / legs
- People on crutches or with canes
- Women clearly nine months pregnant, 6 months – you’re standing
- People with white hair, hunch-backs and walk so slowly that I pretend not to roll my eyes, and oh, they must have the senior pass.
3. Sometimes I resent men who have seats on crowded busses when I’m in heels, fuck you! Sure I pretend to be a feminist, but I want to fucking sit… get out of my fucking seat you little punk with comfortable shoes.
4. Moving back to the Mission means homeless people pissing in the back of the bus. Fuck you homeless people.
5. I hate when people get on the bus through the back doors when the bus is empty. Fuck you guys. Get out of my way! I’m trying to get off the fucking bus.
6. And oh, take your fucking back-pack off… look Chevy Chase when you turn, you hit every fucking person behind you… and you keep smiling that dumb ass grin, but I hate you, you’re stupid…. And don’t even try to sit down next to me with that shit back-pack and squish me up against the window… I’ll push back.