Oh Brother!

The Brother and I are dunzo again. My mom says couples break up a few times before it really happens, the end, that is. This will be our third time and most likely the final.

One of the biggest issues was physical intimacy. The Brother just wasn’t into it. He was into it on occasion, on a rare occasion. I could have made that compromise if everything else was in place. Clearly, everything else wasn’t.

He’s an amazing man, but maybe he’s not quite ready to be a boyfriend. He’s ready to have a girlfriend. That’s all I would’ve been. I felt like I was making all the compromises to his schedule and his life and his mind and his physical desires. He, on the other hand, wasn’t making any compromises. There have been 2, yes, just 2 things I told him were important to me, and he couldn’t commit to being present.

And it’s just so fucking sad. As children we always thought we’d have these great relationships. Instead we grow to learn that we can’t have everything… that relationships end constantly and when we’re in them, they’re fucking impossible. I hate the cliché that everything happens for reason and I need to learn something from this to know what I want in the future. I already fucking know what I want. Here we waste our time getting to know shitheads, so we cross them off the list.

Yeah, cure me of the desire to want any stupid boy. All these start-stop-start-stops. Annoying. I hate investing my time. I just don’t want to meet anyone else. I don’t want to date. And I know eventually it happens, but right now, I’m so fucking bummed. With The Brother, there were moments where I thought the game was over. I was sooooooooo wrong – wrong – wrong.