I'm Such a Fuck!!!

I really don't think it's possible for me to be in a worse mood. The impending transitional period has me yet again in a panic. Of course my roommate is giving her notice in the middle of the holiday season, and I have no idea if I can stay at the apartment or have 30 fucking days to find a new place (a-fucking-gain) or if I'm going abroad. I swear to fucking god my housing situation is like a cd wrapper i can't ever get off... I just want to listen to that fucking cd already... I just want to settle into a goddamn home...................... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

AND, I can't get the fucking Sound of Music "Yodel" song out of my head... I'm walking around cussing under my breath and then yodeling?!?!?! What the fuck!?!??!

AND, I was supposed to get together with Bad-Break Up this weekend... we spoke last weekend, and I told him I was going to be housesitting in the east bay... he said he was free all weekend and to let him know what worked... once we found a time that worked for the both us, I said I'd give him a call that day to hammer out the details, but we have a time set... I gave that call and had no call back. Fuck That!!! I will NOT make an effort to hang out with him because I can't stand when people pull shit like this... it's like be a fucking adult and just call to say it won't work... sure 3 years ago, I stood him up once, but that's because we didn't have cell phones, and I couldn't catch him before he left his house... but I left a couple of messages, so it doesn't count!!!

LAST THURSDAY:

Last thursday was our company Christmas party... at my work, a party with an open bar is fucking trou-ble. We all proceeded to get shitfaced... one of my co-workers had her son pick us up... she managed to barf all over the dashboard and side of her car. My friend and I got sprinkled with her risotto upchuck... I yelled, "quick run for cover (reminder: we were in the car)," and put my coat over us. Since I was happy wasted, I thought it was funny... she felt awful, so we relayed our stories of car and cab barfing... like when I barfed in my paperboy hat 2 years ago. Awesome night.

Anyway, her son dropped her off at home and took us to a bar. What the fuck?!?!!? And for some ODD reason, I had enough sense to start drinking only water. Then, had the 2 am hash browns and burger (red meat?!?!) at the local diner.

I, however, did NOT have enough sense to bridle my urge for reckless drunk dialing. And I mean RECKLESS... I mean, I went down the list... called a cousin at Princeton (yeah, East Coast time) that I hadn't talked to in almost 2 years... shit, I'm going to see him this weekend for his family to make fun of me!!! I had a great couple chats with Green Eyes, who gets these wax nostalgic rants from me. I also, oh fuck, finally called Mr. Lost His Mind Christian's sister... she didn't pick up. I left a message... and - and - and, the next day she called back and left me the best message ever... now we're playing phone tag... she didn't give me any details about him, but said to please call her... she was so happy to hear from me. I always did love her.

And I keep replaying that condom night in my head. I've said this before, I often wish I had no desire for men... that I wasn't affected by them... bleh!

Anyway, I'm totally NOT PMS'ing... but I just guess I'm so busy w/ the holidays and had a couple bombs dropped on me, and feel frazzled.... can't I be settled already!?!?! :)

J-Do: you're badass... don't think this is any reflection of how I feel about your "stuff" because it sounds amazing... I, of course, just keep missing your calls :( ... and love to hammer stuff out.