Those Wedding Magazines All for Naught?

Flu season’s running rampant in my office. It’s like fucking kindergarten where all the little brats are getting each other sick again and again. Needless to say, I was on my deathbed Friday through Sunday. To avoid getting bed sores I mustered up the strength to go to a free movie with The Brother (as just friends, honestly)… we saw Pride and Prejudice.

After seeing this movie, my suspicions were confirmed. Yes. Movies have ruined me. Totally. Completely. Relentlessly. Ruined. Fucked. Me.

I without a doubt thought that my brooding knight would rescue me and my heaven would begin. What I hadn’t realized is that these Mr. D’Arcys (Pride & Prejudice) and Almasys (English Patient), yes are mysterious and uncannily handsome, can’t be brought out to drink with your friends. Your family and co-workers won’t meet him and be like, “oh my god Mr. D’Arcy is the one for you.” Mr. D’Arcy isn’t going to want to do the “sprinkler” on the dance floor or impressions of Eddie Murphy and Sexual Chocolate. Almasy will refuse to meet your parents. He’ll even refuse to watch, “Meet the Parents” or “Meet the Fockers.”

Those mysterious men that our wit and charm supposedly win them over are only good for intense stares and the occasional passionate fuck. A real relationship could never work. I could never be with Almasy or Mr. D’Arcy.

And the movies told me it could work. The movies told me that this is what would make me happy. And that if I was witty enough I could attract that attractive man who lacks social graces. Because yes, the lack of social graces is highly desireable.

So I’m left with these fantasies that I’m desperately trying to connect with reality… and might I add, if not obvious enough, that I’m frankly having a difficult time with it.

MySpace Update:

Well, there has been no contact with Tricked You. It seems as though he wasn’t up for the daunting experiment. Based on his profile and insane replies, I thought he was a strong candidate. But I must have Freaked the poor boy out. Chatting with my sister Naughty Nods the other night, she mentioned that some guy hadn’t called her back. She wondered if it would be strange for her to pull a Swinger’s, Jon Favreau, where she would keep leaving insane messages over and over.

Then I thought about Tricked You and how I’m just having fun with this – this nothing’ness really… and how funny it would be for me to email him and say, “SO WAS I JUST WASTING MY TIME BUYING ALL THOSE WEDDING MAGAZINES AND PUTTING MY DEPOSIT DOWN AT THE HOLIDAY INN?”