The Anatomy of a Friend

My little sister just graduated from college and is trying to figure out where she’s going to live. We discussed where most of her friends were moving and what friends in what cities would offer her the most support.

This conversation consisted of dissecting friends.

TYPES:

The All About Me – these friends always talk about themselves. They never ask you how you are. In fact, if you volunteer information about your life, you see their eyes glaze over, and you immediately turn the conversation back into something about them. I’ve genuinely had the thought in my head, often, “wow, this person isn’t listening… fuck it… I’ll turn it back to them.” If you weren’t facing them, you’d be rolling your eyes at times. The positives – they’re entertaining, sometimes you don’t want to talk about yourself, and you really have nothing going on, so at least someone has something to say.

The All About Boys – my little sister described one of her friends as goofy and fun, but the only thing she ever wanted to talk about was ‘boys’… boys that she personally was hooking-up with or interested in… She did allow my sister to discuss her own stupid boy thoughts, and she would actually appreciate them… and would listen, but her friend mostly dominated the conversation.

The Party Pal – This is the friend that’s always up for going out. This person is almost always single. Your relationship isn’t typically super deep, but it’s thoroughly enjoyable because the friendship is based upon having fun. How can that be bad? Of course this isn’t the person you run to when times are rough, and sometimes you worry that you won’t want to go out enough… and you’ll bore them. But good times are had with the Party Pal.

The Confidante – This is the gem. This is the friend that listens and seems to genuinely care. He or she is typically self-aware… aware of what he or she likes in a friend and tries to be that person too. This person is empathetic… probably understands things about you that not many others can. They “just get it.” You can sit in silence with this person and not feel awkward. You’re in tune with one another.

The Drop Everything – Someone recently described one her friends as a person who, when you have an emergency or need a shoulder to cry on, he or she will “drop everything” to be there for you. He or she may also be the friend to pick you up from the airport. This person is many times The Confidante as well.

My sister and I realized that different friends assume different roles. You know who to go to when you’re feelin’ something. Sometimes, I’m just not in the mood for the “All About Me” friend. It drains you at times… especially if you’re in a really bad spot and want someone to listen and maybe for a second you try to confide in him or her, but you can always count on her to glaze over… and you’re reminded that he or she really is an “All About Me.”

There are times when you and a friend reverse roles… sometimes she’s the talker and you’re the listener and vice versa. This is a sign of a good friendship in my book.

I know I’m completely flawed, but I really do try to listen to my friends… and I really do care how they are. It does get frustrating when it’s not necessarily reciprocated though. But then, they are your friends because they offer something… there’s some need they fulfill whether it be pure entertainment or specific to one particular interest or something of the sort… or even that you see they’re feeling pain, and you don’t like to see anyone in pain… you want to help them.

I know that I can catch myself talking ‘all about me,’ but I then try my hardest to give them equal attention. This is another conversation in my head where I say, “wow, Miss Curious, stop monopolizing the conversation. You’re not even saying anything anyway. You’re just talking to talk.”

I know I can talk “all about boys” sometimes too… but because of my psycho-self-awareness, I often do this because I think it’s what people want to talk about. It’s easy to engage one in that realm. We’re a romance, partner, love obsessed society. It is a great distraction particularly for someone like me who’s real obsession is the pointlessness of the Big Bang and mass extinction. People would much rather talk boys than that, so that’s what I do. I’ll watch romantic comedies because they’re mindless… because they don’t remind me of reality… hahaha… I listen to songs about love not because it’s about love, but mainly because it’s about loneliness.

Anyway, these were just some weekend thoughts. I really do hope my little sister moves here instead of New York. Then, I’d have family for once in the Bay Area… and I’d have a new Confidante in this city.