Why Do I Even Care?

My little sister graduated from college this week and is now visiting me. She's trying to figure out where she wants to live. Last night, for our "catching-up" night, we of course went to Cheers, Obsession's bar. Aside from getting to stare at him, the food is actually pretty amazing and the drinks are always free.

Anyway, I wondered if he had broken up with his girlfriend yet. He said to come back this month, and she'd be out. I wasn't going to ask him, but I figured if he had, he would have brought it up himself.

I introduced him to my sister... we chatted about her having graduated, what was next, and how bad the weather was. The bar was uber busy, so we didn't get to chat with him much... and his energy was just kinda' BLAH.

At the end of the night, he gave us both hugs good-bye... and that was that. I just knew the girlfriend was still in the picture... it was like he didn't want to be around me because he didn't want me to ask. If she had been gone, I know he would have been like, "I did it. I broke-up with her." He knew I was disappointed that he'd been cheating on her. His "get out of jail free" card was breaking up with her as soon as possible since he knew he wasn't into her and wasn't going to be faithful.

Even if he had broken up with her, it wouldn't have mattered really... I mean, it's not like anything would ever happen with us... it's just this stupid fantasy of mine because I can't understand why I'm still attracted to this guy after all this time... I keep thinking it means something. That there is some reason my heart continuously goes hyper-pitter-patter every fucking time.

And then there's the "there's no one else" factor... meaning there's no else I'm interested in at the moment, so it's easy to dream up love affairs with old crushes.

I think I need a couple month break from Cheers. I'm just pathetic with my useless crush... and out of sight out of mind.

FATE - SUPERSTITION (MISS CURIOUS CRAZY TALK):

Okay, I'm a woman of "see it to believe it"... I don't believe in ghosts or spirits or heaven or zodiac signs or Chinese astrology or this or that... but sometimes, just sometimes, I do think, "hmm, what a Leo." That thought is usually followed by a light chuckle at myself.

But then, sometimes I have some SERIOUS, what-ifs... some SERIOUS curiousity. This one time, at a friend's birthday, she had a palm reader... for fun, I got mine read... when the "love of your life" thing came up she said this:

- I see someone you'll be in business with, a family business.
- Pisces
- and I wished upon a toad when I was young and had come up with the name of my Prince

And well, that's all I remember... but 9 months ago, this guy came to work out of our office... his job is one where he isn't in the office often... we really clicked from the get-go even though he's the definition of "preppy" and lives in San Francisco's Marina District... I would make fun of his collared shirts, khakis, and perfect belts.

He'd make fun of me for a million things too. Naturally, he had a girlfriend... but we still had a little flirtation (bad, I know... but nothing inappropriate at all!)... he would talk to me about her, and I'd give him advice, like "stick with it... relationships aren't perfect... they take work." He confided in me about other things and did the classic, "wow, I've never told anyone that."

Anyway... he's no longer in our office, but we still do business... he writes in his emails, "I miss our office romance..." (that's the most inappropriate it's gotten) "Let's give each other songs to download that we think the other will like" are you kidding me?!?! Like, that's my favorite thing to do!!!

But then, he's the kinda' guy that dates chicks who are gorgeous by anyone's standards... the girl that gets her nails done regularly, wears whatever Tiffany's bracelet is hot at the moment, and whose clothes never seem to fade.

You know, the anti-me... who's frizzy haired and curvy and sports thrift store clothes and beyond worn out converse.

Well, he's a pisces, it's a family business... dad started, and he and his brother joined in.... and he has the toad's name.

I know it doesn't mean anything... what it means is that I'M FUCKING CRAZY. And bored. And why the fuck would I even think something like this? I mean, it's just A WEIRD THING TO THINK.

NEW LEVEL OF CRAZY.

Okay. Done with that thought. I'll stop sending him business because the more and more I talk to him the more and more I like him. Bad news. And fuck him for doing what guys with girlfriends do (ahem, Obsession) - acting like they're going to break-up.