Check Your Email

Not only has technology brought us the iPod and the toaster oven that simultaneously cooks eggs sunny-side-up, it has also brought us new ways of breaking up with each other.

Picking up where we left off, Bam was pissed that I’d made him worry last Wednesday and then cancelled our Thursday plans… and made no mention of canceling our Saturday plans. I called him that Friday morning with every intention of breaking-up with him over the phone because I couldn’t take his constant judgments.

No calls Thursday. No calls Friday. Saturday, the day we were supposed to hang out (but of course was now questionable since I’d left him that vague message about needing to “talk”). Saturday at 5 pm, I get a text, “Sorry for not calling. If you would, please check your email. Again, I’m Sorry.”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!? YOU’RE GOING TO TEXT THAT BULLSHIT?!?! AND I DON’T EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO FUCKING EMAIL, SO I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND FUCKING STEW UNTIL I CAN READ IT!?!??!

I texted back, “That’s so weak. You just dumped me via-email because you were too chicken to call me? Is that it?”

No response.

Finally, I got myself to a computer. There waiting in my Inbox titled “I’m Sorry” was the break-up email from Bam.

He went on to tell me everything I already knew. But reading between the lines, he was breaking up with me because he liked me too much. Based on his reactions to certain things, I was gathering that he didn’t like any loss of control. He didn’t like the fact that I could affect his emotions so much. He couldn’t stand it as I’d later come to find out.

Needless to say, I was pissed beyond belief. I sat on that black milk-crate of mine staring out my San Francisco bay windows and watching the fog roll in… I propped my lap-top on my bare thighs and began typing my reply.

I then hit DELETE. I decided that I wasn't going to give him that reply. I just texted him back, “got the email… weird how things work out… wish we could go back to the first night we kissed.”

End of story. He never texted back. No word on Sunday.

Needing to explode, I call my psychiatrist of a dad and an honorary psychiatrist of a mom. One gets on the phone upstairs, the other on the phone downstairs.

I relayed the story. I told them how everyone says, “it’s not supposed to be that difficult in the first month.”

And then came the parental advice:

Dr. Curious – “Miss Curious, he’s doing exactly what you’ve done in almost all of your relationships. You get too close, can’t stand any loss of control, and then start to pick apart their personalities and look for all the reasons why it won’t work. Then, you just can’t let go of those things. Don’t you recognize his behavior?

Also, I am in complete disagreement with whomever it was that told you the first month is supposed to be pure honeymoon. (Do Note: my dad’s like Mr. Science / Logic, who listens to people talk about this shit everyday – Meaning: his opinion is a wise one) In the first month, the emotions are highly volatile. While you have the ability to experience those high highs, you can also experience the low lows as well. Some people are better at masking any neurotic, low, or general crazy feelings they have in this stage. Some people in general experience life on a different level anyway. Some people may not ever be capable of experiencing the highs that you can feel and perhaps Bam as well. People react very differently to these emotions. Often, people can push them away. It seems that Bam is one of those people. I would also like to remind you that you have been that person for a very long time.”

Yada-Yada-Yada. Dr. Curious' Gist – give the boy a break.

Curious Mom’s Question – “is he worth fighting for? Aside from these silly emotional freak-outs, does he have things that you haven’t found in a very long time?”

Yes Mom.

Yes Dad.

Monday morning, I email him. I told him that I brought his sweatshirt, and that I’d give it to his best friend. You know, the classic exchange of each other’s shit… and all the dramatics involved.

With that email, I included a picture of the 2 stuffed animals he gave me for my birthday. The subject to the email, “They may look chipper… but they’re pissed you’re not coming back.”

A slew of emails ensued. Ending with Bam saying, “I’ll call you as soon as I get off of work.”

2 and a half hours of conversation. He allowed me to lay into him about the text and email break-up… about how unfairly he treated me… how amazing I am… how he’s made a mistake.

He explained that he’s pretty much crazy and likes me too much and doesn’t know what to do with those emotions. He also explained that he is not mature when it comes to relationships. It’s something he really hopes to work on, and he’s very sorry he’s not there yet.

I made a bunch of moans and grunts (really). He wanted to see me in person, so we decided to get together tomorrow night. I gave him an assignment to think of all the things he likes about me… things that really define me and not little events like making him worry.

A couple of hours later, the texts roll in. He had actually been working on his assignment.

And then, the about-face.

“Miss Curious… you have me. I want to do this, but I need you to be patient with me.”

What to do - What to do?????????

Well, after much consideration... I am once again, Miss Curious, girlfriend of Bam.

I like the challenge. I like that we’ve both said we’re here to stay. That we’re committed to this. That we haven’t found certain qualities in any one person… ever… and that’s worth fighting for… I also told him that I fully understood what he’s doing… how he’s lashing out because I’ve done exactly that before.

We’re both pretty intense people… and maybe we like this kinda’ shit… the ups and the downs.

We want to grow together. Let’s all cross our fingers, but right now, I feel more secure in this than I ever have before.