Miss Curious Is Smiling

My stomach was in knots. I knew he was going to say those ill-fated words, and I couldn’t light my pipe fast enough. Maybe I was scared to lose him or maybe just scared that I was going to have another failed attempt at a relationship. I suppose it’s both. I can’t stand getting my hopes up, and in a mere few weeks, watching it crash for whatever reason. It hurts every single time. It hurts even when I’m the one ending it.

I sat on my black milk crate with my window wide open, so I could blow the smoke into the foggy night air.

After two and a half hours of “understanding where the other person was coming from”, I realized that it wasn’t about me being a sexually open woman… it was more of a “how about not talking about our sex life with others” and perhaps a “he’s a little jealous” about any recent dudes I may have hung out with, especially when they’re calling me 5 times in a night while he and I are trying to sleep (ahem, Flava Flav).

It was an “adult” conversation. We communicated very-very well. But, having a little hiccup early on is always a bit frightening. It reminded me of the volatility in the dating world. That at this point, either of us can easily walk-away without much emotional involvement. And maybe he would… maybe he wasn’t invested.

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The above was written last Monday morning. Our next date was on Wednesday. I wondered how things would go. Because I'd been out of town, I hadn’t seen him in a week and a half. And then, of course, I thought he was ready to kick me to the curb… or I was about to easily throw in the towel when he made me feel uncomfortable about my sexuality, so it was going to be a very revealing date.

I watched the clock all Wednesday afternoon.

He knocked on my door. He had two bags with him. My birthday presents. Each gift was completely thoughtful. He apparently remembered everything I’d said. Any worries I had going into the evening swiftly dissipated.

We had a wonderful night. We sat on my carpet, Indian-style, facing one another with our knees touching, and our hands on each other’s forearms. We laughed, a lot. We laugh a lot in general. Like, a lot. Like, we’re in a constant state of giggle. We’re like two little kids together. This relationship has the pureness and excitement of middle school and high school, but then, we work things out like adults.

After several hours of goofing off, in the sweetest way ever, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I said yes.