Why Would It Work This Time?

I find myself so very uncertain about Bam.

I haven't seen him since last Saturday (early Sunday morning) and won't see him until tomorrow... and then, I leave for almost a week, so that means we'll only have hung out once in 2 weeks... it's keeping things at a distance.

I had all this momentum... and now it's kinda' turned into whatever.

Of course I have my moments (usually while drunk) that I desperately miss him... and last night, Chicajato caught me re-reading his adorable little text that said he was thinking about me.... I re-read it a psycho-number of times to the point of Chicajato saying, "Oh God!" and rolling her eyes.

I'm very interested to see how things go tomorrow. I just can't figure this one out for some reason. It can easily go either way at this point.

I guess it boils down the fact that I have no faith... that I just think something bad will happen... that this will end... it probably has something to do with the fact that this time last year, I had the same thing going on... and all seemed wonderful - and one day he just dropped me.

Or the birthday (this time again) the year before... I just started dating The Brother, and it had so much potential... I thought that was it... I was off the market... but then that time, it was my feelings that faded... it was me who lost interest one morning.

These "things"/"flings" end. How can one have faith when history proves broken hearts for me or for him?

That's it... I just don't trust this.