Faster Than A Celebrity Couple

I kept blaming myself. I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. I thought that I’m just so bad at relationships. I kept asking myself, “what’s wrong with me? There must be something wrong with me!?” And in the first fucking month?!?!

But then, I thought and I thought, and realized, that YES, I am good enough. In fact, he’s not good enough for me. That all these little hiccups we’ve had have been a result of his issues.

First, he got weird about my sexual past. We resolved that, fine. Secondly, he thought I hung up on him one night, NOT the case, and he then sent me this caustic email the next morning. He had clearly stayed up wondering why I may have done that and then let me know what his conclusions were. He apologized. We resolved that one too, fine.

And then, Wednesday night, I was pretty tore-up from smoking and drinking at the Pumpkins show. I lost my wallet. Kinda’ panicked. Texted him that I needed help. He freaked out and called me. I then found my wallet, and told him I was okay. That happened in the span of 15 minutes.

He then got pissed at me for having made him worry. His emails Thursday were very cold, and I believe he mentioned the fact that I worried him several times. My guess is that he thought/thinks I’m too much for him. He cancelled our plans for that night. He hasn’t called me since. Okay, that was yesterday. But it was the first day I didn’t hear his voice from a voicemail or chat since the day we met.

Last night, I tossed and turned. That’s when I finally realized that this wasn’t my shit. This was his shit. If he can’t handle Miss Curious, then fuck him. I like the way I lead my life. Sure I could drink and smoke less, and eventually I will. I mean, he smokes and drinks ALL the time.

Anyway, this is when I decided I was going to end things. I’m gathering that this last “incident” put him over the edge too. Whatever – making mountains outta’ molehills. I’m tired of having to constantly defend myself over bullshit.

He’s out of town today and until tomorrow afternoon. I wanted to catch him before he took-off. I left him a message to this effect: “Hey Bam, I wanted to touch base before you left. I’m realizing that we’re probably now on the same page, and I thought we should have a conversation. Call me when you get this.” This will be an end where I could actually say, "It's you not me!"

I don’t know.

We’re supposed to hang out tomorrow, and it’d be WEAK-ASS-SHIT if he just didn’t call me back. Let’s get this done and over with.

Dolly (The Truth About Cocks and Dolls) asked if part of me wished that he’d fight me on this.

All of me wishes it.