A Question MissCurious Ponders All Too Often.

Does one person in a relationship always love more than the other? If so, which is better? To know that you’re loved less or to know you’ve settled?


Thank God:

Thank God I love to play the “what if” game. I can crack myself up all day long. I tell my wife, Midge, how much I’d love to have a ton of money just to pay folks to do crazy shit. Yes, I know this means I’m mean spirited because I enjoy the humiliation of others. However, it’s not always the humiliation of others. I think of a variety of scenarios, for example:

1. Today there are bagels in the back, for some reason, my wife wouldn’t take a bite out of every bagel and put it back, arranging the bagels in such a way that would hide the bite marks.

2. Yesterday I was waiting for an important phone and asked my wife to come bang on the bathroom door should it come while I was doin’ my biz’ness. “What If” he banged on the door, and I walked out with my pants around my ankles, picked up my phone at my cubicle and proceeded to talk as though my ass and cooch weren’t hanging out.

3. “What If” my wife and I secretly placed pot brownies in the back of our office for everyone to consume? We’d hear people on the phone taking applications, “So what is your annual salary?” the person on the phone responds, and then hears, “Hahahahahahaha!”

4. “What If” during that karate class you ran into the middle, and starting yelling, “Hiya – hiya – pow – pow – pow – karat(ay) chop!”