"Thursday NSA Passion in the City" - Craigslist (that guys a fucking jerk-off)

No strings attached is like single guys and girls being friends. Not possible. My younger sister, although she goes to Yale, needs an education in male and female relationships. A serious education. Over her summer vacation she’s made friends with another Yalee. A male. She began to have “more than friends” feelings for him. And this prick (I say prick because I’m the protective older sister) has this brilliant idea of a dramatic free – no strings attached summer fling. First off, (insert heavy sarcastic undertones) oh my god what a fucking original idea.

In the history of a regular hook-up, booty call, and no strings attached relationships, 9 out of 10 don’t work. He knows this. Girls think it can work. Girls think that it’s enough. It’s not. Who gets hurt? Surprise, the girl. He had his fun, uses his out of, “I told you I couldn’t have anything serious right now.” Puhleeaaze. If you can’t have anything serious, either go fuck another guy or go to Costco and stock up on lube. But of course, the man is selfish, so fuck you guys.

The end of summer has neared, and (again, insert sarcasm) the Yalee boy has decided the fling has gotten too melodramatic, so it’s not such a good idea for them to hook-up anymore. But of course, he still wants to be “friends.” My little sister, pretending she’s not hurt but clearly is because she analyzes his every word and waits by her phone, says that going back to a friendship should be no problem.

She and I will rendezvous in SoCal in exactly one week. I’m going to school the girl. Sit her down and like eighth grade science class with Mr. Kraclick (pronounced crotch-lick, really, we both had him) I’ll put in “When Harry Met Sally.” It’s a must see for any single guy and girl, who think they can just be “friends.” Personally, I’ve fucked all my guy friends.

See below:

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: No you don't.
Sally: Yes I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU? Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.

What if men and women are in relationships? Friends then?

Harry: ……Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

Thank God:

Thank God I work in an office where the owner's partner was Mr. Leather New York in 1994 and first runner-up in Mr. Leather International.