You Look Like Cartoon Character Asshole!

Since when does a person’s hair become more popular than the person? This is the story of my hair. It began, as many of you know, dyed black then to platinum, well yellow really, then I chopped it all off and the semi-permanents began. The first was merlot, then chilled plum, then funky cherry, and now red pulse. It’s been red pulse for some time now. Every 8 days or so the color fades, and I have to re-dye it.

Since the cut and semi-permanents, I have random folks on the street constantly approaching me. “Hey, I like your hair color” or “Wow, fierce hair” or “It took me several drinks to come up to you and tell you how fucking great that hair is” or “What daring hair” (okay, this one perplexes – daring bad, asshole?) or “You look like such and such cartoon character” (yeah, fuck you – you look like your grandma rolled over your fucking face with her wheelchair) or even, if I wasn’t already insecure about my lesbian haircut, “hey cool hair, you going to the gay pride parade?” (that was the exact statement from some dude with his hat sideways at my local convenient store – buddy, if you could read, read this, fuck you!)

The hair is uber popular with the folks here at work. Everyone here knows my drill. Semi-permanent hair dye at the beginning of the week, weekend comes re-dye. By Wednesday the always seem to ask, “oh hey is that a new color?” “No fuckhead, clearly this is the same color but slightly faded… get some glasses and fucking clue.”

It’s like this hair has become a filler for awkward moments of silence…. It’s kind of taken the place of the weather…. Silence – silence – silence, “sooo, how ‘bout that hair of yours, now what color is that?”…. “well, it just happens to be the color it was yesterday when you asked that same question, funny how that works, huh!?!”

My best bud LaSassy stays up late at night coming up with witty remarks I could possibly say when folks comment on my hair… “you could say --- that – that that’s your natural color… how funny would that be?” “First, thanks for coming up with remarks for me, also known as MissFuckingWitty… (insert sarcastic undertones here) and wow, what a powerful punch that natural hair color comment would be… they wouldn’t know what hit them.”

So anyway, I go along with all the comments as though I’ve never heard them before… and I practice my fake laughs regularly… and dream of the day my hair grows back, and people like me for me and not for my hair.

Thank God (my new section whose title speaks for itself):

Thank God that hot guy rode his bike by me last night ‘cause I would have farted not knowing some lady was standing right behind me.

Updates:

The Brother and I are doing well. We have our ups and downs, but I have never questioned his character. He is a wonderful man. This past weekend we spent ample time together, so that complaint is swiftly dissipating.

Friend Update:

One of the female friends of mine that I didn’t know how to approach with my concerns, emailed me. She emailed this lovely email that addressed that the concerns I’ve had. She’s since made strong efforts to hang out, and we’ve been able to do so a few times already. Needless to say, I’m very pleased… again, ebbs and flows of relationships.