Slumber, My Ass

Women are disgusting, and there’s no better place to be disgusting than a slumber party. No, we do not have pillow fights in our underwear and start going down on each other. Instead, we fight with words; repulsive, nauseating, revolting, ghastly words.

The kick-off: breast feeding. One participant, let’s call her “Sass” posed the important question that perhaps many have asked themselves before, “If I’m turned on when a guy sucks my nipples, will I be turned on when my baby is sucking them?”

The opinionated group wastes no time to respond, “Yeah, Sass you’ll totally get turned on, and when you’re baby tries to stop sucking and you’re not ‘there’ yet, you’ll push his or her head back and tell him to keep sucking!”

The natural progression from having your baby get you off with nipple-sucking, is beastiality. Another participant, let’s call her “Ramble” brought up a situation where she was lying on her bed, naked of course, and her dog jumps up and begins licking her… licking her awfully close to her nips… she pushed him away, but the group finished up where she left off, “why’d you stop him… you know that dog wanted to lick your pussy… why not just have her do it?”

I proceeded to share a story from college where a woman in her young age (about 7 or 8) was taught by her older sister (that’s probably the most strange part) to have her dog lick her pussy. Lucky her, orgasms at a young age… and isn’t that what dogs are good for – licking? She was just doing her dog a favor.

Snowballing (for those uninformed, guy comes in your mouth, you kiss him and give it back), anal sex, favorite positions, number of fuck buddies, fetishes, tales of too much sex and too little… you know the standard slumber party fare. We naturally scandalized the only male present (he lived there)… we couldn’t understand why.

Thank God:

Thank God I got a good fucking last night. Sometimes I just need a hot poking to smile the next day. Let’s all applaud The Brother for coming through!

PS – thanks to the slumber party ladies… who’s house next? Really.