Home Improvement

I guess you could say I’m the Tim Allen of Home Improvement in the world of Beauty Improvement. I have all these grand ideas filled with enthusiasm, but yet every time, something manages to go horribly wrong.

Although I love getting those brazilian bikini waxes just for me, the cost becomes less of a priority when you’re not fucking anyone. In hopes of doing just that (fuckind someone), I rummaged through my drawer to find ‘Easy Sweet’ wax that my favorite person from Egypt had hand delivered a while back. I heated it up and spread the legs. The wax was a little to warm, so I thought it’d be a great idea to just spread a bunch all over my kooch and wait for it to cool before ripping.

Before I knew it, my arm was stuck to my thigh, my left hand was waxed shut, and my ass was sticking the floor. I then decide to get a tissue to remove some of the wax off my hands. Bad idea. Now wax and tissue were stuck to each finger. Luckily, I got some sense and remembered cold water could work.

In the end, I did remove some of the hair and trimmed a ton more where I couldn’t wash off the wax. Of course, however, I had images of DV’s face or cock getting stuck to my labias… assuming something might happen.

Let’s jump to DV now, shall we… sooo, there was never any guarantee of the genitals making an appearance last night… just hopes. He arrives, wine in tow… we do the customary ‘how are you’s’… still the outcome not clear. We continue to imbibe. I put in a personal favorite, ‘Coming to America’ hoping that “Sexual Chocolate” will set the mood.

The sorta-watching-the-movie-noticing-the-other-person’s-every-move is the best part…. As is my mind thinking... ‘It’s likely that we’ll fuck… now let me imagine how us two clothed people will become unclothed, will begin licking each other’s genitals, and then proceed to slam our genitalia together.’

While adjusting, his arm plopped down on my stomach. The back of his fingers slowly began caressing the place where my shirt ends and my shorts begin (this so reads like an airport romance novel – sorry!)… his moves are meticulous. I comment on the movie as though I hadn't noticed his hand sliding down my pants… I adjust slightly to give him the okay… and away he went.

And I had this “Pretty Woman” moment, where I didn’t want to kiss him… where I just wanted to have sex…. But there was kissing, minimal kissing… I avoided his stale wine and camel light breath as much as I could.

And I came. I came in his mouth. And it was nice. Just nice. He fucked well as usual… but this time, when he pulled my hair, it hurt. And I had this moment of clarity where I realized how sex just isn’t that great unless you care about the person…. he can be amazing at his craft, but if the emotions aren’t there, it falls short of GREATNESS.

To conclude, the evening went well. My vulva’s at peace. And sure there are probably a million psychological reasons why I did what I did, but frankly who gives a fuck… I did it… it was lovely… and now I know that sex really isn’t that important…. Sure it plays a part… but truly the best sex is with someone who makes your heart go pitter-patter.

NEW NEWS: The other day I spoke to some friends who were doing all that online dating shtuff… they had dates like, 4 fucking dates a week… and then, I thought about KriKri who’s hanging out with a MySpace dude. Sooo, as work is a bit slow, I took, oh a quick peek at MySpace boys. And there was this one… not the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, but cute… and what he said was beautiful…. I thought, what the hell, I might as well say hello. I did. He said hello back. And now we’re going on a date this weekend. It could be cool or it could totally suck. A big wait and seeeeeeeeee. (Green Eyes, your turn!)