Making Up For 5 Days Off - Read Part I & II

PART I:

MISSCURIOUS AT YALE

I’m back from the land of superhuman 20 year olds… all striving for GREATNESS. Their everyday diction I haven’t used since I was in high school:

They use mellifluous. I use sweet/soft.
They use fortitude. I use strength.
They use plethora. I use a lot.
They use superfluity. I use excess.

Thank god, I remember high school vocab or I’d need dictionary to keep up with my lil’ sis and her psychotic-ly erudite (combined with intense genetic intelligence) friends.

She has a suite of 5 women. People were coming and going and laughing and gossiping. We ate well, we drank well, and we learned even more about one another.

No grad students just kids who’d make me a pedophile.

And of course, being with college students and hearing their aspirations, you remember where you once were. And you think about where you are now. And how you never expected to be here. And wonder if you’ve been happy. And think that you should squeeze every minute out of your life. Make every minute important. But you don’t have the energy anymore. You don’t believe anymore. And you’re so disappointed in yourself. And you think about how many people in your life told you you’d be something GREAT. And now you’ve given up. And that sucks. And you have no idea how to get back to that place where anything was possible. And you loved who you were.

PART II:

UPDATE ON THE BROTHER

Sunday night, I was thinking about who I’d call first when I got back from my trip. I realized that I didn’t really have anyone to call. So what do I do? That evening I call The Brother.

“Hey, I was thinking maybe we could hang out tomorrow night when I get home,” I ask.

“That sounds wonderful. I get off work at 6 pm, how does 6:30 sound?”

Pleased by his response, “Sure, I’ll see you then!”

I get there. It’s slightly awkward, but nice to see him. We discuss our weekends. While I’m updating him, I stop mid-sentence. He doesn’t notice and keeps watching TV. Of course. It was always about him anyway. I just let it go for the moment.

He tells me he's happy to see me. He tells me he wants us to hang out more often - that he likes my presence in my home.

8 pm rolls around. He has to go to his old place to pick up his check. It’s three blocks away. He tells me he’ll be right back.

2 hours later, I’m still at his house. I tried calling him several times with no answer. I began to worry. A Lot. I then decided to leave. I couldn’t stand waiting anymore. I didn’t even know what the fuck I was doing there. I was kidding myself. Still holding onto him. And where the fuck was he? 2 hours?

Sitting at the bus stop, I called again. He answered this time.

“Hey what’s up girl?” he said as though no time had passed, and he had no idea why I'd be calling.

“Um, I’ve been trying to call you… what happened? Where are you? I was so worried! It’s been 2 hours. You have me, a guest, sitting at your house. You said you’d be a minute.”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t see your calls until now. I’m at my friend Candy’s house.”

In my head: CANDY? WHO THE FUCK’S NAME IS CANDY?????!?!?!? FUCKING CANDY????!?!?! I’ve been sitting here worried, and he was at CANDY’S?!?!!? That stupid inconsiderate motherfucker!!!!

“You didn’t think I might be worried? It’s been a very long long time. Couldn’t have called to say you were going to drop by CANDY’S house?”

“I know, I’m sorry. I lost track of time. I thought I’d be here for a minute.”

In my head: FUCK YOU. YOU WERE THERE FOR 2 HOURS. YOU’RE STILL THERE. YOU DIDN’T PICK UP THE PHONE. I KNOW YOU HEARD IT. YOU NEVER TURN YOUR FUCKING PHONE OFF. IT’S LOUD. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE IT INTERRUPTS ALL OF OUR CONVERSATIONS, AND YOU FUCKING PICK IT UP!!! FUCK YOU! AND YOU COULDN’T HAVE FUCKING CALLED ME??!?!?! AND WHY THE FUCK TELL ME YOU 'LIKE MY PRESENCE AT YOUR HOUSE' AND THEN WHEN I'M THERE, YOU FUCKING LEAVE?

“Well, I’m waiting at the bus stop. I’m going home. I think it’s very inconsiderate to have left me waiting. I worried so much only to hear you were at some chick, CANDY’S house. And you know what, I was just kidding myself. I don’t know why I was even there. I feel like such a fool. I think it’s time our friendship takes a break, so there’s just no gray… so there’s just no question whether this is over. It is over.”