Silly Rant

I needed Bam to tell me that we will always be "just friends." I needed him to tell me there was ZERO chance of ever getting back together.

He did.

He said, "the same things will happen again."

I really have to wonder. What same things? I mean, really, where did we go wrong? I feel like we each had our freak-outs as a result of feeling vulnerable and second guessing the other and then lashing out, but really, what were our problems?

I must cease all communication for a little while at least.

Where's my rebound dude?

I need one.

No - no. Too much trouble. I'll choose singledom, for now, hahaha. Being single is not a fate worse than death. It's a good thing. One's free... not waiting by the phone... normal appetite.

I have to remind myself - there will be someone else. There will be someone better.

I hope.


OTHER NEWS:

My job is fucked. My industry's gone bust, and I know I'm going to have to start looking for another job. I've been here for four and a half years. My bosses are surrogate parents. My co-workers are some of my best friends.

I've made ZERO money for years because the people here are worth the thousands of dollars I gave up in other job offers.

My music connection was a dead end road. His company now has him working from home... closed the office. iTunes has taken the world, and a job there is the impossible get. Any jobs in the music industry are impossible gets. Shit.

So what then? What am I going to do now? It seems I won't be leaving this job for something that defines me more. I'll be leaving not by choice.

What am I going to do? Be some random Executive Assistant in some random finance firm and make other peoples' travel arrangements and order lunch for the rest of my life?

I have a useless History degree from Berkeley. I don't want to teach. I don't want to go to Law School. There is no longer anything for which I'd like to go back to school. I wouldn't mind going back to school for some stupid shit, but I have so much goddamn debt that it's not even realistic.

MY RANT CONTINUES:

Of course when work and boys suck ass, I start thinking of all the other things in my life that I'm unhappy with... I have no friend with whom I'm attached at the hip. My ex-wife's in NYC... My sister chose NYC... My BFF moved to NYC... I haven't been in the mood to drink much, and that's what Tall K and I were doing all the time, so now our hangin' out is less.

I'm just having that stupid ridiculous Miss Curious sad and lonely time.



Again, there are so many crazy things that happen in the world that are far more important than these small woes. There are real problems in the world, and mine aren't even a drop in the drop in the bucket. I have to put things into perspective. I have to remind myself that I have so much.