Will Men Be Obsolete?
My father and I often have the conversation of, big surprise, the difference between men and women as well as the prevalence of happily married couples. He proclaims that more people are happy in their marriage than my cynical-self believes. Unfortunately, he’s been living in our small town for too long (my old town.) His research came as no surprise to me. While it seems more than half are happy, 60% isn’t good enough for me. Also, what’s a person’s definition of “happy.” And, interestingly enough, the percentage of women who are happy in marriage is almost half of the percentage of men who are happy. Sheesh, men don’t have a clue. Hahaha! Sorry dudes!
Below are some random tidbits from a study on men and women and their sexuality.
in connection with my previous post on pornography
…With rare exceptions, women do not purchase pornography, patronize prostitutes or become sex offenders. Studies show that men have many more sexual fantasies and lifetime sexual partners…
why men are monogamous, and it’s not because of their nature
…the overwhelming majority of individuals still confine sexual behavior to a single, exclusive partner. This pattern has existed throughout human history and can be viewed as a compromise between male and female sexual needs. Males benefit from this arrangement because they are spared the task of constantly seeking new partners and confronting the many conflicts which would occur in an "open market". But the arrangement does deprive men of the sexual variety many of them might otherwise prefer. Women have traditionally benefited from this arrangement by obtaining someone who will provide security for the family unit even if it means accommodating the male's somewhat greater sex drive…
not meant to marry?
…Census data indicates that the marriage rate has steadily decreased and the percentage of adults who are married has also significantly decreased. There has also been a substantial decline in the percentage of persons who report their marriages to be satisfying…
The chart didn't come out so clear. From 1976 - 2006, men and women have been asked whether they were happy in their marriages... below, men are blue and women are magenta.
Wow, what a decline in happy marriages. Higher expectations as the years go by? People being more honest about their relationships? Again, look at how staggering that figure is between men and women and their happiness in marriage. Men are simple. Hahaha!
divorce easier – and also a good reason why marriage is on the decline
In modern societies, women are capable of achieving independent economic status. As a result, they can choose to leave marriages which are unsatisfactory. This has affected men as well because they do not suffer from extreme social ostracism if they abandon their wives and families.
The article mentions that there are now a significantly large number of single moms, who are not teenagers, which was the case of the past. Women don’t need to marry men to support them and their kids. So really, do we want true romantic love or just some dude to bring home the bacon? ‘Cuz now that we can bring home the bacon, men are superfluous. Once again, sorry dudes!
Wow, this article makes me almost feel sorry for men. Pretty soon they’ll be obsolete.
But then, I’m still somewhat lost in the fantasy. I desperately want to believe in true love and romantic love and passionate love. All the statistics, however, give me no hope.
Although I do sound pessimistic all the time about relationships with dudes, I’m still a hopeless romantic. I don’t want to become too jaded… too closed to the idea of love… I don’t want to carry around some lame-ass baggage that all of us love to do. Baggage and going into relationships “safely” don’t help us. In the end, they fuck us. I don’t want to fuck myself.
I've said this once before... what I'm discovering about love is like discovering there's no Santa.
Ergh!
posted by MissCurious @ 12:03 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Trying to make statistics and graphs about love is a useless exercise, in my opinion. Keep the faith. Love does exist. (I must believe for my own sanity)
J-Do:
Those statistics aren't completely useless. They certainly match what I've discovered; hence, wanting more information in hopes that someone - somewhere will give me hope.
Ahhh, Miss Curious' endless quest to understand love and purpose and why people suffer.
Oye! I quit ;-)
I have been reading your posts lately, and I have had similar patterns to you. This is somewhat unrelated to your most recent post, but may be related to love.
I was meeting a lot of guys, getting physical quickly (I wanted to), then one day I met a guy. We had a great first conversation, I thought it was going to go nowhere...but we wound up hanging out for months without having sex (intercourse). We were making out, but we reserved the sex. Anyway, after such a long wait, the sex was amazing, and I actually started to believe in love. I am not saying it is something that lasts forever, or goes smoothly (believe me, this didnt) but it taught me a lot. It also taught me that love has to be managed, and both partners will have to be willing.
That is just my two cents. I do not have all the answers.
Privates Investigator:
From the sound of your comment, it seems that your experience with that male has ended?
If so, what happened and what lessons did you learn?
Just CURIOUS :-)
I think learning what I know about adulthood has been like discovering there's no Santa. It turns out you don't necessarily become wiser as you grow older, and figuring out what you can contribute to the world is a never ending task. Those are both disappointing truths for me. But on the other hand, adulthood is more interesting and exciting than what I envisioned as a teenager.
I think love is like that. It's so hard, and the difficulty never lets up, but it's so much more intricate and detailed than what we tell kids about love. There's way more desperation, and way more self-discovery, and way more gratitude, and way more heartbreak than a fairy tale could ever contain.
Sometimes it seems like it would be nicer if adulthood and love were much simpler, but other times I can look at all the mess and confusion and be thankful I get to live in interesting times.
This is kind of a pretentious comment. I've been reading your blog for awhile; it's addictive.
Carrie:
I don't think your comment is pretentious at all. It's very insightful and uplifting.
I like this -
"There's way more desperation, and way more self-discovery, and way more gratitude, and way more heartbreak than a fairy tale could ever contain."
So true. Wow.
It also might be useful to think through the definition of "love" as opposed to the definition of "relationship" -- there are so many unstated expectations involved in what we fantasize about love, I think we may be setting ourselves up for failure.
Anonymous - I whole-heartedly agree with the setting ourselves up to be let down... that's pretty much my whole life, hahaha. I have expectations of myself, others, work, the world... all of which will most likely never be met.
I've been learning, however, that I need to work on adjusting those expectations. Redefining things based on reality.
Yes, I think this has ended. He went to Europe for 4-6 weeks and I am supposed to be moving back home (across the country) in 4-6 weeks. I dont know if I will see him again before I leave.
The main thing I learned was that waiting for sex can be a beautiful thing, and can create an important bond, and make the sex way more amazing. Maybe it was a combination of things like chemistry and how long we waited...who knows.
The rest I am still figuring out, but I also learned that no one can tell me what he is thinking, or why he is doing certain things. There are probably many reasons and he might not even know. I also learned a lot about myself and how I can feel, and how hysterical I can get (not a good thing ;)). It hasn't been that long, so I am still thinking about it, but I am not over-thinking it. I am just going to let it settle for now, do my own thing, and see what the future brings.
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