Motley Monday
The Personality Trait I Dislike Most:
Entitlement
Observation:
I often see men and women walking with the woman being highly animated and talking and talking, and the man simply nodding his head as though he were listening. Rarely do I see this situation in reverse.
Current Irritation:
Frivolous law suits. When did people stop being responsible for their actions?
Mood:
Distant
Thanksgiving:
Parents going to Massachusetts, me going to their home in So Cal and enjoying a big house all to myself. I can’t wait to be out of the city, soaking in the spa under stars I can actually see with my iPod playing on the outdoor speakers.
Thankful For:
My family. Health. Having a job. Friends (bosses and co-workers included). Food. Shelter. Music. My hair not falling out while frying it. Romantic comedies. Fairytales. Wash n’ Fold. Lime Popsicles. Fred Astaire. Converse. My sheets. My bed. Warm evenings. Daydreams. Concert T-Shirts. Online shopping. Lyrics.
Boys:
None. Not missing Bam today... much. Still can't tell if it's him or just someone. Left with my daydreams. Wondering if I'll ever have a love story to tell. A love story with a happy ending. I watched about five thousand romantic comedies, so I'm pretty much loving love right now. Well, the idea of it anyway. I must remember that not all relationships for me will end. It is possible to have one that lasts forever, and I need to realize that it's okay to be so lucky. You see, I have a hard time justifying a happy relationship when I already have been so lucky in my life. How is it possible to have that too? How is it fair to have that when there's so much suffering in the world? People dream of having food and shelter, and I'm dreaming about silly boys? Aye-Aye-Aye... must reconcile or I will never allow myself to be happy in love.
Loving These Lyrics:
Somebody
Depeche Mode
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She will hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinkingIn fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and with every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost likeI don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear
Of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
posted by MissCurious @ 5:02 PM
11 comments
11 Comments:
"People dream of having food and shelter, and I'm dreaming about silly boys?"
It's human nature. There is a wonderful book called "Eat Love Pray" and the author tells a little story that goes something like this (forgive me, I am not as eloquent as the author):
The author's had a friend who was a psychologist in NY. She volunteered to treat Cambodian refugees who had escaped the murderous Khmer Rouge regime. The psychologist expected that the tales she would hear would be filled with horrible stories of rape and torture and starvation.
You know what many of the women ended up sharing? The same thing all women do. Along the lines of, "I met this boy in the refugee camp and we fell in love. But he didn't really want me after all and left me for my cousin. Why doesn't he love me anymore?"
That's not to minimize the atrocities the women endured, but to show that no matter how much food or shelter we have, the heart is still seeking the same.
J-Do:
You're the 2nd person who's told me to read that book. Guess I'll have to get it.
One of my peace corps friends who transfered to Africa mentioned a similar situation. That all these women were in dire situations, but they'd spend time by the well gossiping about each other and mostly talking about men.
My lame-ass cynicism: is love a trick our minds play on us to get us to propagate?
Love/propagation - just a ubiquitous human instinct?
I must stop thinking so much!!!
I need to post some essay ('cuz I can't think of something succinct) on my bedroom door that says it's okay to ? ... hmm, can't think of the best way of saying it, but something to the effect of... it's okay to have more happiness in life... yes, it's okay to want more. And, it's okay to have it. Not all good things must come to an end.
I know the saying goes, "all good things come to an end" right?
Why must they? Because I feel like they do, and I wait for them to end.
Grrr. Okay, I'll stop being so neurotic for just a minute. Haha!
I'll be the 3rd person to tell you to read Eat Pray Love - it's really great! And funny!
I just started reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and am already enjoying it as well.
So you know the book/movie "The Secret" (it's a cheesy example but just came to mind)?
It's about positive thinking and the power it can have on us and just the power of our thoughts and mental states in general. They talk about the laws of attraction -and how you get back what you give.
I really started thinking about how much you can actually make happen - conciously or unconciously - by how you think. You're actually attracting what you're thinking about and a lot of the time, that's exactly what you don't want. Does that make sense? You don't want something to end and you keep thinking of how you hope it doesn't end, but you're really just thinking about "the end" and then things end just like you thought and on and on...
I really believe in the power of our thinking and putting out better or more positive "vibes" if you will. It can't hurt right :)?
We get so worried about things when we're in a relationship instead of enjoying each other (which I sure as hell have a hard time with still). But in the beginning, you have to kick your mind's ass to keep things good and to not worry about the bad :).
In life in general, it takes a lot to train our minds to focus on the positive and not even use negative words in our thoughts - like no, don't, won't, can't, etc... Instead of thinking "I DON'T want this to end" instead we should think "I want to keep this going and going." Know what I mean? I'm trying to train my brain.
Ok - this post and the comments have gotten quite philosophical :).
holy crap - I wrote so much :). Sorry for hogging so much space :)
Green Eyes - I LOVE what you wrote. Everything you said makes perfect sense. I know I must-must-must train my mind to think positively.
It really is the weirdest thing how I genuinely think about when a relationships going to end. I've mentioned this before, but when I looked at Bam's pix on MySpace, I played out our entire relationship in my head.
It went like this, almost exactly like this:
"Our mutual friend thinks we'll be great for each other. Something will start up. It will definitely involve sleeping together. Months from now, I'm going to be looking at these pictures and be sad that it ended." I even said these exact words in my head, "I wonder how this one's going to end."
I attracted what I was thinking.
And I was born this crazy, why?
It's decided. I need to read that book ASAP :-).
I really appreciate all the advice. I sincerely do. It's really what I need the most. A huge Thank you!
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My dear - you are so not crazy! It's soo human and normal to go towards the negative.
In so many ways it's safer and easier to be alone or to have something end. Of course we still get hurt, but in a shorter time, we haven't given all the we could. When you're thinking about the end, you keep yourself protected instead of really just putting your heart out there and being 100% vulnerable. I know from experience that I thought that I was totally emotionally available and said as much to my therapist, and I came to find out that I was chosing people who I stay protected with. Who would have thought?
It's all a process. We're works in progress right? None of us are condemmed to being exactly as we are right now right? We all have the power to change what we want :).
K - I think that might be an overload of deep thoughts for today! :)
xoxoox
Kind of off topic, but since you haven't made your blog private, it is safe to assume that the mysterious person you feared had discovered it is still clueless?
Green Eyes - again, all well said. I'm loving your comments, so no disclaimers necessary. Training one's mind is certainly a difficult task, but I do know that I've done it before, and I will be able to do it again. That's positive isn't it!!!
J-Do - it still isn't safe to assume my blog hasn't been found by that person I'd hoped hadn't. I've just decided not to care. Damage done. I do realize, however, that when I'm in a relationship again (note: I didn't say if I'm ever... I said "when"), I will keep more private about the relationship.
One thing Bam taught me was that there are things sacred between two individuals, and I don't have to go plaster everything about our sex life and other intimacies on this blog.
I will definitely be more sensitive and respectful next time.
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