It's Okay To Look

Since I had a new picture comment, I logged onto MySpace this morning. As I was signing off, I whispered to myself, "don't look, don't look." (at BAM's profile, that is). But then, the log-out page said, "it's okay to look." Right there in BIG letters IT'S OKAY TO LOOK (a match.com advertisement).

Eyebrows up.

"What the hell... god saying 'HA!' to me?"

So I logged back on. And looked.

Nothing new for me to obsess about... so there I was, in my little cubicle with my lava-lamp still warming up, only left with the realization of how weak I truly am. Oh so fucking sad. I logged out for godsake. I made it all the way out of MySpace without viewing his profile to see if STUPID-NEW-BLOND-CHICK had commented or he had commented on hers. And then, as though god itself had been speaking to me... "look - look - it's okay to look." Jesus Christ.

Oh well. I did it. I'm weak. Big fucking surprise. Big fucking deal.

I'll get over it.

We all get over it sooner or later and wonder what the fuck we were thinking.

All those pathetic moments of heartbreak and sorrow over this or that... I always get over it. In time, I will look back on this and laugh. The feelings will all be gone. They always go away.

I have no unrequited love out there. I have no regrets in my world of romance... no one I wish I'd still be with to this day. No one "man that got away." Not one. I haven't found him yet.

Sure, I might suddenly think that BAM's the one for me now that he's (most likely) with someone else. A couple months from now I'll be able to tell if it's him I miss or the idea of him or just that I'm jealous that he found someone first.

Whatever it is... it'll be forgotten.


Let's move on to something else I can obsess about. Hmmmmm.

OUT of the Running -

Work: I now have job security because the owner of the company and his partner just asked me to support them too... everyone says their impossible, but I like the challenge. I'll tame the beasts. It's said that if anyone can, I can! Haha!

Romance: cyber-stalking is already getting boring... after a week of it.

Friendships: those are always messy, but I let them affect me less and less.

Housing: ran into a bump last night, but my roommate's so communicative that we squashed it this morning.

Well, can't think of anything to throw myself into at the moment, so I'll get back to work on memorizing the presidents. I have until Friday.

iTunes, Heavy Rotation:

Wasted Time, MeShell Ndegeocello
Bliss, Tori Amos
Sugar, Tori Amos
Sudden Rush, Erlend Oye
Insistor, Tapes N' Tapes
Night On Red River, Rykarda Parasol