I'm My Best Lover...

My mind has been slightly preoccupied this week, so apologies for the delay…

As if Jesus hadn’t made me learn my lesson, last Thursday another MySpace victim decided to challenge my movie tastes. As much as I didn’t want to reply, I couldn’t shy away from such an attack. And I love to be attacked. Needless to say, I swiftly countered back, and the correspondence with KingKong (because that was the first movie in question) began. The conversation then progressed to, “what’s your number?” Over the past weekend, we exchanged a few text messages, a phone call Sunday morning for plans to meet up Sunday night…. I guess I don’t waste any fucking time!?!?! By Sunday afternoon, however, I reminded myself that this MySpace bit wasn’t all for me, not right now at least. I reminded myself that I’m my best company – that I’m my best lover – and that I don’t really need anymore friends. So I called him, and asked if we could reschedule.

Then, like a pussy, I later sent him a message (‘cuz I couldn’t do it over the phone) telling him that I wasn’t really into meeting anyone after all. I apologized for stirring the pot, but that I just wanted to lay low for a while. He was totally cool about it and asked if I’d be interested in just emailing on occasion. Since then, we have had a sweet exchange.

Here’s the awful truth: I probably would have met him by now, BUT he’s not the best of spellers. What he says is brilliant and hilarious, but the frequency of spelling mistakes makes me cringe. Oh no you didn’t just spell “bachelor” like “bachlor” or “neighbor” like “naighbor” or “awesome” like “awsome”… and even after I brought some of these to his attention, no changes were ever made.

I of course, commented, “Hey KingKong, don’t you wish MySpace had spell check? Maybe that’s why you haven’t had much luck with the ladies!?!!!”

By all means, I’m no perfect cat when it comes to spelling or grammar, but my mistakes are typically those of carelessness versus simply not knowing the answer.

But anyway, we’ll see how things progress because despite the spelling issue what he writes is often endearing…

Weekend Update:

Soooo, Green Eyes, another friend KD, and I all went to my Cheers – Cha’ch. I hadn’t been since New Year’s and thought I should face Lick My Face (see NY’s post “he had me at Lick My Face”). I’m so incredibly awkward when I drink because I get ridiculously forward and throw those few inhibitions I have out the window.

Both past Obsession and Lick My Face were working. Luckily I could face Obsession because it’s been about 8 months since my last “oh shit I can’t go back there for a while” with him. I asked him when some room at the bar would be opening up… he showed me where to go and gave me my first drink of the night… awww, I still have such a soft spot in my heart for him.

When I approached the bar again to see what progress these folks were making on their bill, Lick My Face and I came face to face. I wasn’t expecting it. He smiled and said hello. I did a classic movie “are you fucking kidding could I be anymore awkward” move… with the confused look on my face, I muttered, “I, uh, um… my friends… uh,” I started walking backwards and pointing at my friends. I said no “hi” no “hey” no “hello” no standard salutation… no smile. Just stunned incoherent face and words. Not that I even had much to be embarrassed about.

So the evening ensued… still sober I admitted, “Lick My Face, I’m sorry I get so awkward when I drink… I can’t help but be absolutely LAME.” He laughed and courteously said that I wasn’t… (yeah right)…. But hey, the free drinks and shots started pouring in… over the few hours we were there eating and drinking I had 8 drinks and paid for one. Lick My Face and Obsession were both responsible. They charged all my friends for only one drink a piece. RAD!

But anyway, just because I can get all girly-giddy over fucking nothing -- Lick My Face did a little something that surprised me almost as much as the face lick… here’s the scene of (my small but happy moment):

My hands are on the bar, my words slightly slurred as they were making some sarcastic scathing comment to him while he’s filling up Green Eyes’ sobering water… without even reacting to my caustic remarks he simply turns the water on me. Sprays water all over my hands and the bar. Then he continued filling up her water glass as though nothing had happened. I of course could have moved my arms, but I was so stunned that I just looked at them.

I stated the obvious, “I’m all wet.”

“I haven’t even begun making you wet,” he quietly replied while throwing me a quick smirk.

Later that evening, Green Eyes had gone through more water (god, she loves water)… he then starts filling her water up again, but some of it splashes me in the forehead.

“Lick My Face, you just splashed me.”

Without uttering a word or glance of acknowledgement, he folds a napkin, and wipes my forehead dry. He said nothing. Walked away with that same little grin on his face.

Lick My Face had gone downstairs to count out his drawer, but we didn’t wait. We said good-bye to Obsession, and I thanked him for the drinks and for humoring me over the years. He grinned, “how could I not?”

And then, we left.

Jesus Update:

Bad Fucking News --- I got my Red High Top Converse today – you know, my free gift for partaking in Jesus’ “get the girl into bed” experiment… BUT they were the wrong fucking size!!!! It’s my fault, however. I put the size of my other Chucks, which are all in men’s sizes… the Red High Tops are in women’s. I’m going to try to exchange this free gift, but I’m not counting my blessing. What does this mean???? This means that I participated in Jesus’ little experiment and got NOTHING in return!!!! Bloody Hell!!!