Living in my Mediocre Hell!

To know that you’re mediocre is a hard pill to swallow. We all want to be great at something… for there to be something we were born to do… whether it be music or writing or building or skiing, anything. To be the best at something… to feel at home doing something… to feel that without a doubt this is what you’re supposed to do… this is your path… to feel like there even is a path…. Instead of always feeling directionless…. Instead of feeling this numbness… this – what do I do now? Where do I go from here?

I always think I should be more intelligent than I am. It’s as though I see my limits of comprehension, and I feel that I should be able to far exceed those… that there shouldn’t be anything I don’t understand… uh… and I know I’m mediocre at so many things… at everything that I’m not horribly bad at… mediocrity – it just doesn’t seem right.

I need some sort of direction and whichever I take doesn’t seem to be quite right, and I have no idea what will ever be quite right… and at what point can I accept my mediocrity!??!?! At what point do I say that everything is okay… that I’m okay.

Uh, jeez, fuck me….. I suppose I’m not mediocre about analyzing my mediocrity… in that department I’ve been quite successful… much to my demise.