Death Threats and 8-Inch Cocks

Trying to enjoy the weekend weather, I opened my windows and curtains. When it started to get dark my neighbor turned up his rap and sat out on our fire escape. I then decided to close my windows and curtains. As I was closing the curtain, I locked eyes with the psycho-Nazi (“date with a bullet”) guy. When the curtain was fully pulled back, I heard the Nazi yell, “I just saw her. I just saw that bitch. She just closed the curtain. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.”

His voice immediately brought back memories of some mystery woman he was telling he was going to have gang-raped and killed. I grabbed my phone to dial the police as he continued talking shit about me.

But then I thought, wait, by the time the police get here, he’ll be gone. All I will have done was sit here being freaked the fuck out waiting for them. And then, I reached my point… I reached that point where you just don’t give a fuck. So, I opened the curtain, opened the window, and stuck my head out and said, “What the fuck’s your problem!?!”

Because really, I’ve never spoken to that man nor called the cops on him, nothing. I have nothing to do with him. The only thing I have to do with him is that he’s friends with my direct neighbors. The neighbors that everyone in my building (except for me) signed a notice to get them evicted. I wrote a letter to the landlord prior to everyone else’s complaints (in October) telling the landlords that I hadn’t had luck getting the neighbors to keep it down by knocking on their door. After the letter, they toned it down a bit, but it was and has been very uncomfortable. I have not complained since then because I just didn’t think it was worth it.

But anyway, let’s get back to “What the fuck’s your problem!?!?”

Nazi replies, “You wrote a letter.”

“Your problem is that I wrote a letter?”

“Yeah, you wrote a letter to the landlord about these kids.”

“Yes I did. I wrote a letter to the landlord to have them keep it down after 11 or 12 pm on weeknights. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. People need to respect each other.”

“Now you’re gonna’ get it. I’m going inside to get my gun right now. You watch out.”

What are my options here:

a) Close the window and call the police.
b) Close the window and get the hell out of my apartment.
c) Keep the window open with half my body out of it and wait for him to come back with his gun.

Guess what I did?!?! That’d be C!!!! He did come back out. He didn’t have a gun. I wasn’t afraid. I was just fucking pissed beyond belief. And if I were him, I would’ve been afraid of me.

Meanwhile, my other neighbor is on our fire escape telling me not to worry about it that Nazi is just on drugs.

I then asked him, “well, why did you tell our cracked-out neighbor that I wrote a letter? What was the point in that? And, now I know what woman he was saying he was going to gang rape.”

He uneasily replied, “I don’t know… he just found out from my girlfriend’s parents. They have friends who know him from prison.”

“So, why would they go and tell him that your neighbor wrote a letter asking that you keep your noise down? Did they want him to come threaten some young single woman who is just minding her own fucking business and just wants the occasional peace and quiet? Now, I’m getting death threats and you’re just telling me not to worry about it?!? And I’m being singled out when all the other neighbors asked that you be evicted and signed a petition. I never once asked that you be evicted. I just asked for you to keep quiet after midnight… big fucking deal.”

“I don’t know. I don’t have a problem with you.”

“It seems like you do have a problem. Since that letter 4 months ago, have I once given you shit? Did I not give you a letter and a bottle of wine thanking you for keeping the noise down and to let me know if I was ever being loud?”

“Yeah, and thank you for that. That was nice.”

“That was nice and now this?”

“I don’t know. Don’t worry about him.”

Nazi comes back out onto the balcony. He brings a shirt with him and holds it up, “do you see this shirt?! Can you buy this shirt at the store?” The shirt had some skinhead logo or some shit like that on it. “No you can’t. I ain’t afraid of prison. You just try and sleep well tonight.”

Still holding my ground, I asked the Nazi, “what did the letter say? Tell me. What did it say?”

He couldn’t say anything. He left, and I continued my beef with my next-door neighbor. He continued to tell me that the guy’s on crack and he’s been to prison and don’t mind him. I said that all that was so reassuring thanks… yeah, fucking no way!!!

Eventually I closed my window and thought about who I could call… whose house I could potentially crash at… I called ex-wife Midge, but he wasn’t around. Then I went through the whole, ‘everyone here has family or a significant other or both, and I have no family. I have no where to go. I feel all alone. Blah Blah Blah.’

Later, my wife called and asked me to come over. I decided not to. I decided to “sleep well” like the Nazi told me. I decided not to be driven out of my home by some stupid mother-fucker.

I decided that I didn’t care what the repercussions were, so I stayed. I did, however, sleep with my light on.

Later today, I’m going to speak with my landlord and discuss moving out. Now, I’m considering moving to San Diego. I love this city and I hate it. I think San Diego is beautiful, but I’m not a fan of the vibe / scene. But my family’s there… I’d have somewhere to run… somewhere to hide. My job has plateau’d. I’m just at this cross-road. Maybe this was the extra push I needed. But I’d hate to leave this city. But I worry about finding another place and hating it. I have this new fear of neighbors. This city is so fucking expensive. Uh. What to do – What to do?!?!

ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

KingKong and I are going to hang out tonight. Stay tuned for details on that. I’ve reiterated to him again and again that I only want a friendship, and he says he’s totally cool with that. But then, we got on the cock size subject and I discovered that KingKong believed 8 inches was an average sized cock. He then said he was a bit above average. I told him to trace his dick and give it to me, so I can decide for myself. Naturally, KingKong suddenly became more appealing… but – but – but… he’s still a bad speller – and he’s soooo skinny… I mean, I wasn’t kidding when I said that I’d crush him if I accidentally sat on him. AND, he’s afraid of horror flicks… enough with the pussy-boys in my life… I need someone who will defend me against that fucking Nazi!!!!