Why'd I Even Ask?

I don't know why I even bother to toss the question of: to meet him or not to meet him?!?! Because - Because - Because, in the end, I'm going to do whatever I damn well please... Because I am Miss Impulsive Fucking Curious!!!

So, in my impulsive state, I proposed meeting up last night. He's going out of town today and desperately wanted to meet me, so he jumped at the opportunity. (Let's briefly address my impulsive state -- my ex-wife Midge is moving to New York. The reality is becoming greater as the days pass, and in a moment of weakness, I wanted to go out and take my mind off things... I wanted to have something else to think about instead of going home and burying my head in a book and thinking about how Midge is leaving.)

But then, as the work day came closer to an end, the mid-day slump hit me hard. What do I do? I text him back saying, "just kidding?" Naturally he thought I was a dumbass for suggesting it and then suddenly saying how 'bout not.

He asked me to call him when I got home from work, and I did. With some smooth talking, I said okay, why the fuck not... but I reiterated again and again, that I'm only looking for a buddy at this time... and if he just wants to meet new folks, then cool.

He says something to the effect of, "whatever, once you hang out with me, you're going to be all in love... and you're totally going to try and make some moves on me... but I won't submit because we're just going to be 'buddies'."

I brush off his comments, throw on a black hooded sweatshirt and black low-top converse.... saying, "whatever" in the mirror before I walked out the door.

He looked like his picture. Messy amber hair with a matching beard, hipster tortoise shell glasses, and vintage jeans. Not the typical guy I gravitate toward at a bar, but he had his own style, and it was more his personality that I dug.

But anyway, the conversation wasn't contrived... we had a great banter... he could take my relentless sarcastic bites... and he dished them right back. I genuinely laughed quite a bit... and it wasn't a nervous laugh.... it was a laugh where he actually said something funny.

We chatted for about 3 hours with perhaps one awkward silence, which in my book is a miracle.

At the end of the night when we parted ways, there could have been a kiss. If he kissed me, I wouldn't have minded. He didn't, and I didn't mind that either.

Later that night we text messaged about how he totally wanted to kiss me and he said that I totally wanted him to kiss me... and it was sweet... it was cute. And I liked how he didn't say that I wanted to kiss him. I liked that he did say I wanted him to kiss me.

Anyway, today he goes to LA. He might be moving there. He's a film editor, and it makes sense to go. After LA, he's off to Seattle for a little while and won't be back for almost 2 weeks.

I have no overwhelming emotions either way. I had a nice time, and I would certainly hang out again should he ask.