But Still.

Finding a significant other is truly like winning the lottery. It’s largely a matter of luck. You can buy more tickets to try and increase your odds, but even still, someone who just buys one, can win.

If you really think about it, and as you know, I really think about most things… it’s a miracle that people find true love. All the stars must align:

Should you see someone at a bar or a party, you have to have the courage to actually talk to him… and then when you do, he could be a total dumbass or taken. But say like, you actually do talk and you actually do get a number at the end of the night, then someone has to take the initiative… then you have to “get to know each other.” And you can only hope that you actually like each other. And both people have to be in the right “headspace” on top of everything.

I mean… I can go on and on.

But some people… yes, just some people get seated next to an intelligent, witty, relatively attractive, stylin’, and single young man on an 8-hour plane ride. Some people move-in next door to the man of their dreams… or have class with him and are made partners by the professor… or seated next to him for an hour at the DMV, and he just happens to be the person for her.

I mean… c’mon… that’s luck. Most stories are luck.

Even online dating is luck. Online we prescreen guys… we know they’re single, spiritual not religious, smoke or don’t smoke, etc… but still, when you meet in person, the chemistry is often not there… or another star is out of place.

Aw. It’s just a wonder.

I feel so lucky in life…lucky with the things I didn’t have a choice about… like being born into my family… with the siblings that I have… or having all my fingers and toes… and being relatively intelligent, etc.

Why should I have love too? How can I not feel guilty about having so much luck in my life? Instead, I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders… I think of things on the grand scale… of people in so many other countries with no food or water or love or legs… and how dare I ever want love too?

So, I try not to.

The Brother:

We haven’t discussed The Brother in some time… on occasion, we MySpace message one another, and I just happened to notice that his relationship status has changed to: In a Relationship.

I know I initiated the break-up, and I know I’d never want to be back together, but still --- it still stings just a bit knowing that he’s moved on completely… it stings knowing that he lucked out so quickly… it stings, just a tad. And I know who she is. She works next door with him. And I say mean things under my breath about her. And I know how completely ridiculous and insecure that is. But still.