My Response to Bad Break-Up

At last here is my response to Bad Break-Up's email from last Thursday the 25th. This is the abridged version, believe it or not, hahaha. He has yet to respond, so who knows if he's at all interested in actually keeping in touch. We haven't spoken in almost 2 years... and for those of you convinced I'm contacting him merely because I'm single... in the past 2 years I've been single, for about a year and a half.

"Your concerns are all valid and relevant…

I certainly have a penchant for rehashing past mistakes. It has been a pattern in my life not just with relationships, but with friendships as well. By no means can I say that I’ll never repeat this behavior in future relationships. I am more aware of it now, and I try really hard to be better. What I can say is that I strongly believe I am far beyond rehashing with you.

I wouldn’t have contacted you from an emotional standpoint. Any negative feelings I had associated with our relationship have long ago subsided. When I think of our past, I can hardly remember why our relationship dissolved. The feelings of anger and hurt have passed. It’s funny because I never think that they will. I think that I’ll harbor the sadness forever, which is why I kept that sign above my door… the reminder that This Too Shall Pass, and it has passed.

With that said, I do not wish to reconnect in order to reevaluate what happened in our relationship. In our lives we don’t allow ourselves to be completely vulnerable with many people. We do not take the time to truly get inside someone else’s mind and heart. It seems so unnatural to have this closeness with a person and then completely extricate them from your life…

... As individuals we often bottle up our entire relationship with a person in how it ended. We forget how it began. We forget the reasons we once told that person we loved him. I feel far enough away from any anger I did have to actually see this now. And yes, a lot of it is to find peace with a situation that was/is an open wound. Doesn’t hurt anymore, but still hasn’t completely healed. I also see this as a wrong, of mine, that I would like to make right.

… but I don’t blame you at all at this point. We both acted and reacted in the ways of which we were capable. Actions and reactions always stem from some place, and wherever we both were in our lives, we just didn’t connect well enough to keep it going.

I'm also at a point in my life where I've very much settled into who I am, as much as anyone can really do… Things make a little more sense now. With my mind no longer occupied by those what now seem trivial questions, I’ve been able to reflect on my past.

... To be honest, the events that occurred toward the end of our relationship now seem almost laughable. When I think about it, I get all wide-eyed, like 'oh my fucking god did I really act like way?' It's as though I’ve sobered up and am remembering the night before with a cringe-cringe…

I can’t imagine ever not caring or wondering about you. I know I’m all over the place with this… talking myself in circles… but ultimately, this is how I feel about things, and I would like to keep in contact if you have any desire."

- Miss Curious

There are countless reasons for contacting him... and it's hard to be at his mercy... to be in a position where he calls the shots... where he decides that he'd ever want to keep in touch... I feel like I'm just waiting for a message to pop-up... like waiting by the fucking phone or something...
I just remember the friendship we had before we even started dating. We were friends for about 4 years, I think. He apparently had a crush on me for a little while... I had a boyfriend... went to the Peace Corps... did this - did that... gave him advice with the ladies... and then one day saw something more... classic onset to dating a friend... it's sad to see a friendship go... I take them too seriously sometimes. Hm.

I almost just want to see him one last time... to leave on a good note... have a beer, a chat, a hug, and good-bye.