Rest In Peace

Bad Break-Up still hasn't emailed me back. I can't blame him. Things ended so badly... you know a party at my house where he got kicked out and there was this huge scene... a scene of all scenes.... yelling and screaming and threatening.

Being so far from such emotional involvement, it seems ridiculous. It seems like some cliched scene in a movie where the two lead actors win oscars for their dramatic roles. Unreal. But it did happen. Fuck. It was real. It's part of my past that is so hard to look at.

I don't wish to have any part of my past repressed because of how badly it went. I often stop thoughts of him and that night at our Purple Rain Prince Party short in their tracks because
it was like fucking Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... and that's just not cool with me.

I want to be able to look back on my life and have peace with how I lived. This situation is the one instance in which I have no peace. None.

I know I should just let him be... he clearly doesn't want to hear from me, but I think I'm going to email him and say, "I understand that you don't care to have contact with me, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I am so sorry."