The Others
Well, turns out 5th Paragraph isn't as cool as I thought... he's using the "pussy" method in dissing me - just not calling and/or emailing back. How fucking lame. Anyway, this took me by surprise. Sure I did realize we hadn't developed some strong bond, but there was potential... we'd only gone out a few times and those times we spent going to a show or my birthday or this or that... and now i'm left w/ all those questions, like, "what did i do wrong?" "what is it about me that you just didn't like" "was i too cynical - too this or that" "at what point were you just like, no way this is never going to work?"
Last night it hit me a bit hard... I had that feeling of, "wow, how many of these little 'hopes up' dating encounters do we have to have before maybe - just maybe - we find the person we want to be with forever?" Or before we get jaded enough that we never open ourselves up again? I always say this - it's not what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - it's what doesn't kill you makes you more jaded and bitter. Hahahaha.
Since I'm psycho, I emailed him this - and still, what a surprise, NO response:
i'm getting the total diss here, aren't i? hahaha :) ... 5th Paragraph, it's totally no worries... but since i have this gigantic curiousity, i'd love-love-love to have a rough idea as to why... maybe just not feeling it? or was there something i could perhaps be more conscientious of in future encounters? you're a cool guy, and i'm bummed that it didn't fit for you... but i'm your typical silly girl who just likes an itty bit of closure even though this was relatively short lived... i was just having fun and am sorry you no longer were -- me getting the total diss was the source of very good laughs last night... and overall this was a totally fun - funny experience, so thanks... and again, pretty please just shoot me back an email to say hey, "Miss Curious you're so fucking rad, but........ " hahaha :)
take it easy 5th Paragraph!
This wraps up the Stoned Craigslist Post... I hadn't expected even this much to come from it... I hadn't expected to have my little heart slightly bruised... but it was a fun experience nonetheless... and this is the last day of 5th Paragraph - unless he emails me and tells me why i got the diss, then i have to post that repsonse... hahaha, yup, i'll definitely post the reject email if he isn't too much of a pussy... but if he is as lame as he's turning out to be, Miss Curious says SO LONG 5th Paragraph... there will be others... there are always others... and as much of a blow this is to me, I know i'll open my heart up again when i can no longer remember this sting.
posted by MissCurious @ 10:18 AM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Ok, I am going to take a bit of a rough stance here, so bear with me.
You started this as a totally casual toss out a line and see who bites, with no expectation that you would find anyone who was close to decent, right? You and 5th paragraph hung out a few times, and it was completely casual, right?
That is to say, at no point did you say or intimate that you were looking for him to be "the one" or anything more than a casual encounter?? If I am mistaken, please correct me.
I am not excusing that he has not responded, but there are a million possibilities as to why he might not have responded. We forget, sometimes, in our always connected world, that there are times when we are too busy to get back to people with whom we have a much more serious connection.
There are two separate issues in my mind: placing this "relationship" in proper context and personalizing other people's actions and responses.
I love that you are willing to send the last email and try to get closure. Once again, you prove to the world, and to this loyal reader, that you are, indeed, a ROCKSTAR. But I think it is important to be honest up front if you want more...with yourself and the other person.
I don't think you need to imagine or obsess over what about YOU is not right. Just before you launched into the really want to hear from him, you asserted that you thought YOU weren't feeling it.
Standing on the outside of this, and admittedly not the one whose heart is on the line, it sounds like really good, fun times with a guy who is not a super rat (as Holly Golightly would say).
So, perspective being what it is, I apologize for not being more emotionally supportive in my comments -- I am sure if I were in your position I would be obsessing about the VERY SAME ISSUES. Your openness on this blog allows me to step back from my craziness and see the trees, I just wanted to share that with you.
There SO will be others. You have plenty of time to find the right one(s). Open is much better than jaded, and you wear it well.
April, I gotta say I agree with anonymous on this one. If the relationship was casual and fun (and you admittedly weren't "feeling it" anyway), then why is there any need for closure? It would be exhausting to have full disclosure of everything that wasn't "right" about every casual interaction we had with other people, right?
But I think that if I were in your shoes, I'd likely be feeling much of the same things- I may just not write it on my blog! :)
shit- sorry for using your real name. i try not to do that.
here's the thing - although this has been casual and fun and no real deep connection had been made what we do know about miss curious is that a) the second a guy stops calling or emailing, she suddenly wants him more b) she overanalyzes everything, so in order to halt any further speculation, she likes to nip it in the bud - get the answer, close the door... AND, although we didn't see one another that often over the past month, we did email or call regularly... w/ regular contact an EXPECTATION of this same continued correspondence arises... and when suddenly the correspondence stops altogether, it's difficult not to wonder why and wonder what the fuck you did wrong... it just seemed so abrupt... and i was going into this thing weary... i was going into it casual and got freaked out when he wanted me to meet his sister and friends and told me, "if we're going to hang out, i want you to get along w/ my crew," blah blah blah... and he seemed much more serious than i did... making plans for shows that we both just got tix for (a show in sept, hopefully he won't be w/ some other girl, ew)... and we did talk for hours when this first began and told our histories and sadness and this and that... recently it's been all fun, and not crazy intense as it's been in the past with other guys which is why i thought, "shit, how do i feel about this guy if it's not messed the fuck up - i love you already" kinda' thing... but i was still interested in seeing where this could go... i mean everytime we hung out we stayed at one another's place... he's affectionate and sweet, and i just - i don't know... whatever... these things large and small never seem to get much easier... well, i suppose the time it takes to get over it them gets easier - but there's always this sting.
and since i posted i have gotten his response, which is a fucking confusing novel, that i'll try to cut and paste tomorrow... but the gist - he doesnn't want an everyday kinda' girl... he wants us to find some happy medium where he can escape whenever he wants and i can never make demands of his time... and i just said, thanks but no thanks... i know what i can do, and i'm not going to wait around and hope he feels like or has time to see me... this is a classic case of "he's just not that into me"... and i wasn't sooooo into it either, but i was stoked about the possibility.
and oh, Green Eyes and I laughed 'til our stomachs hurt last night -- what about? me getting dissed... one of us would say, "you totally got dissed" and then, we'd fucking laugh hysterically for like a hundred minutes straight... this is all good... door closed :) let's move onto something else that'll give us a good laugh!!!
I agree with you in that his request that you don't make demands on his time is moronic and shows that he's not worth the effort. I am curious to read the email, though, so do post the excerpts at least!
As for demands on time: one of the experiences I had down here with someone (which i didn't right about on my blog because I am more hesitant than you in getting everyone's opinion!) was similar. I know he is/was busy with his job, but the excuse that he "had no time" was bullshit. He just wasn't that into me. If someone is into you, they make the time for a 5 minute phone call or a cup of coffee. But he didn't. Which sucks and hurts.
err... "write about" not "right about". Jesus H. Christ!
so...moving on...will you do craigslist dating again?
j-do: in the past i tried to convince myself that if he said "it's not you - it's me" that it was really true... that he really was super busy, blah blah blah... but now, i know that indeed, the boy just wasn't that into me... i know because i've said all the same things - i've done the, "i'm in the middle of moving... i'm having a hard time at work... i'm at a really weird point in my life" blah blah blah... i've used all of these excuses myself and i can now write this shit on my blog and look like what people may interpret as a dumbass, but really i've broken hearts and had my heart broken and it's all a big fucking cycle, and i'll keep throwing myself back in it.
as for craigslist, i do not believe that i will use that as a source for dating... that way this one will make an even better story to tell my adopted 40 year old grandkids... but who knows - my actions are even unpredictable to my ownself :)
Here's a novel for ya (and I can't wait to read his response, so post post post!):
1) Instead of asking for closure, I prefer to make up my own! It's much more fun that way, and it pretty much guarantees I come out of it looking good.
2) There's no such thing as too busy, and thanks to m I KNOW THIS for a fact. When we first started seeing each other m was working 14-16 hour days and he would still call and email, and we would hang out every weekend. If a boy wants you, nothing can keep him away. I wish I'd known that sooner!
3) As busy as m is, he still lets me make demands on his time (even though I try to keep it realistic!). So the whole him not wanting an every day girl, wanting to be able to escape whenever is total and complete bullshit, and he is a loser and needed to be kicked to the curb LONG ago.
4) It's hard not to have expectations, even though you're trying to keep it casual! Even if it's nothing more than "damn, no more great sex with that guy" it's still disappointing. So don't feel bad about that. But like you said, you're so not into him anyways, so BUH BYE 5th LOSERgraph (lol, that was bad, I know)!!!! :)
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