A Day At The Beach, Miss Curious Style

Unfortch, my weekend was uneventful. Hung out with an old friend in boys town… met some of his friends that for a minute made me wish I were a 21 year old gay man. No phone call back from Kansas… typical with how this year has gone… sounds defeatist, but I didn’t really care much anyway. End o’ that. I’m realizing there are no male prospects, and I’m suddenly feeling like I don’t really care. I’m a bit subdued now. But good subdued. Meaning, boring blog. Ha!

This is a bit late… with the news of Steve Irwin “the crocodile hunter” passing away due to a stab from a Sting Ray stinger, I thought I’d tell my own tale of having been stung… my sting was, of course, done in Miss Curious fashion… almost seeming unreal, but this is a TRUE STORY:

No one wants tan lines when she’s about to wear a bridesmaid’s dress. I was between jobs and living in southern California. Since I often corrupt my friends, I convinced Thebrick to play hooky from work and go lie out at the nude beach in San Diego, Blacks Beach.

We had to walk almost 2 miles along the cliffs to get there. Once we arrived at the ocean of nude males, Thebrick and I decided to put our towels far from shore to prohibit any voyeurists from getting-off on the 2 topless chicks lying out.

Eventually we decided to take a dip… we were just topless, and I was feeling a bit modest, so I held my boobs until they were covered by water. After some frolicking around, Thebrick decided to go in… I’m a water addict, so I stayed.

Then, I had the fucking brilliant idea to be completely nude in the Pacific… I thought, “wow how liberating would that be…” as I slipped my second foot out of my bottoms, I felt this sudden stab, as though something with a really sharp tooth had bit me… I thought, “oh fuck… did a baby shark just bite me… what the fuck was that!?!?” The water was too murky to see anything… and although I was shocked and confused as fuck, I didn’t want to run back to shore without my bottoms on.

I struggled to get them on as quickly as possible, but the pain from my ankle was growing more intense, so I only managed to get them on all tangled up. At that point, I wasn’t giving a fuck anyway.

When I got closer to shore, my entire leg was completely incapacitated… still holding my boobs, I frantically waved to get Thebrick’s attention because I just couldn’t walk on my own.

Since we’d so brilliantly decided to sit far off shore, she couldn’t see me… instead, every naked man on the beach could. They came running toward me… one person did hail Thebrick… I then had to abandon any modesty and let the boobs swing loose as I wrapped one arm around some strange naked man and the other around Thebrick.

I fell to my towel as the pain grew increasingly worse. The spectacle then drew every clotheless male to circle around me.

There I was topless, leg in the air, panting (a sting causes seizure-like symptoms, that sound like orgasmic pants), and surrounded by flaccid dicks. One man, not the toothless small-dick guy who’d offered me a Budweiser to ease the pain, informed me that I’d been stung by a sting ray. Apparently, the ocean had warmed that summer and it attracted the stingrays, which were particularly bad at Blacks Beach because it was less disturbed by encroaching humans.

If this already wasn’t a big “to do”, it became even more so when someone walked the 2 miles to get the lifeguards… by this time, I’d put on a top and was biting a stick because the pain was more than excruciating.

The lifeguards kinda’ laughed because they kinda’ got the hilarity of the situation – you know two girls trying to go unnoticed at a nude beach… like mentioned in the Steve Irwin story, part of the sting is the actual laceration… it felt like getting stabbed… well, what I would imagine it to be… the lifeguards mentioned it was the biggest laceration, therefore the biggest stingray, they’d seen all summer. They mentioned that the week before a man twice my size got stung by an itty bitty one and was crying like a baby… they were proud that I was just biting down on a stick, calmly saying, “wow, this is the most painful thing I have experienced in my entire life.”

The lifeguards were a couple miles in the other direction and the tide was coming in and for whatever reasons they couldn’t drive me back, so after 2 hours of god awful unwavering pain, I limped back to the car with assistance of some strange man and Thebrick.

My grandparents told me, “that’s what you get for going to a nude beach.”

I haven’t ever gone back. And now, I always think about what’s under the water. And to this day, I still have a little scar that when touched is still very sensitive.