iConfused

My attempt at making alternate plans for Monday Night Dice proved futile. Of course. I’m a masochist. I had to go. I had to go torture myself with this iBartender… to feast on his crumbs.

When I arrived, he greeted me by saying, “hey, I have that shirt. I have it in white too.”

Tall K commented, “you’re wearing a shirt like hers tonight too… it has those same snap buttons.”

I chimed in, “those buttons make me want to tear your shirt open.”

iBartender, “whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want? Hm. That’s a loaded comment.”

“Like I said, whatever you want.”

In the mind of Miss Curious, you fucking flirt… I fucking hate-love you! I side-smirk.

“I want to put in Tall K’s iPod tonight.”

“Whatever you want.”

I walked over to the DJ booth. I saw him walking toward me. He came in and wrapped his arms around me… kissed me on the cheek, “I’m so glad you’re here sweetie,” he softly whispered in my ear.

In the mind of Miss Curious, it was nice until you called me sweetie. I fucking hate being called sweetie.

In silence, we leaned against one another. He was warm. I was confused. I touched him back. I then removed his arms from me. I told him I was going back to the bar. He told me not to go. I went.

I got some free drinks because… that’s what I WANTED. I felt like the fucking Princess Bride instead of Westly’s “As You Wishes” I had iBartender’s, “Whatever You Wants.”

Feeling appreciative, I told him that he needed to change the DVD in the DJ booth. I followed him there. He again wrapped his arms around me. It seemed like he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. He then sat down, and I sat beside him. (still in the dj booth)

“Why aren’t you kissing me?” I asked.

“You just have to tell me that’s what you want.”

“I want you to kiss me.”

He smiled and turned his hat backwards. He held my face with one hand, pulled me toward him, and our lips met. His soft, soft lips… his sweet, sweet tongue… mingled with mine. I’m smiling now as I think about it.

I’m so fucked.

Shit.

We flirted for most of the evening. Mildly flirted. It was kinda’ like we fucked and suddenly things were a little awkward.

Stolen kisses.

LaSassy arrived to play dice. I hoped she could help me get more insight into the situation. She was just as confused.

His shift ended. He left. We never said good-bye. We never do.

And that’s all it is. The occasional Monday Night Kiss. And I have to be fine with that. Unfortunately.

I should have said, “I WANT you to be in love with me.”

Hahaha!


OTHER BOY NEWS:

Do we all remember Kansas? He’s just this guy from a long time ago that I catch up with every once in a while. He’s called (didn’t leave messages), texted, and group emailed, but I’d just been busy.

Yesterday I decided to shoot him an email. I told him I’d drunk dial him later. I did.

We had this amazing conversation. We both just said – Yeah, I’m this black-haired fair-skinned converse-wearing wrist-tattoo rocker-lover girl… and you’re this curly-haired conventionally-handsome snowboarding rock-climbing mountain-biking jock-ey boy… but yet, we have these insanely connected conversations. We just “get” one another… as cheesey as that sounds.

But then, he doesn’t live in the city… and he’s gone every weekend snowboarding… we’re both just so busy… different hobbies… same mind… what wins?

We’re going to try and get together soon… I told him that he can’t have any expectations --- I meant whether or lips would touch or not… he had meant whether we’d fuck or not… oh my god. Men and Women.

Anway, I got this email from him this morning:

… nice talking to you as always....it never felt soooo natural before....HONEST TO GOD. have a good day sweetie ;)

Ciao

Okay, yes, I’m not a SWEETIE fan… but his SWEETIE’S are real… whereas iBartender’s SWEETIE’s seem disingenuous. I just thought this was so sweet.

I emailed back:

i hope you have a beautiful day Kansas..... thanks for humoring me last night... you're an amazing man ;-) let's talk again soon!