The Joys of Online Dating

Since clean slates are boring, I decided to sign up for an online dating site. Frightening, I know. But, it’ll keep things interesting for a minute.

Anyway, I’ve now had a few emails roll in, and it suddenly makes sense why some of these dudes are online dating. For instance, why have the subject of your email to me be, “You’re Not Really My Type,” and then, not include in the text of the email something like, “but, you sound awesome…” or some shit like that… instead, you go onto to write pretty much nothing that explains why I’m not your type, but you decided to email me anyway, what the fuck?

And how’s this for a nice first line: “Well, you sound like a snotty little girl. Don't ya?”
Nice try to rouse me dude, but instead all I want to email back is, “go fuck yourself!”

Or how about this one: “If you had to give up either cookies or bacon F O R E V E R, which would you choose and why?”

Um, who the fuck cares?!

Not a question that has me going – oh my god what a clever question… I just don’t know if I can respond with something as witty as that…

But the answer would be Bacon. Hands Down. I hate bacon.

Then there’s the whole “winking” phenomenon. One guy was actually pretty cute… but all his answers were:

“If you could be anywhere right now, where would you be” – In bed with you.
“What items can’t you live without?” You and me and a bed.
"What’s sexy and sexier?" – Sexy is You and Sexier is You and me in bed.

Okay dude… try Craigslist, Casual Encounters

I did reply to one email and not because he said anything particularly interesting… I responded thinking, “he seems like a normal guy… I should give a normal guy a shot, right?” Then, I felt all uninspired and couldn’t think of much to say… so instead I turned out looking like a fucking tool.

And jesus. How is it that I’m already bored?

Guess that’s why I’m online dating.