Good Night, and Good Luck

Last night marked the end of a 3 and half month game of Monday Night Dice. iBartender's last night is technically next Monday, but I’m unable to attend, so this was it. This was the last time I was ever going to see my Monday Night Super Crush.

When I arrived at the bar, iBartender and I had our usual salutations. This time, however, there were no offers of free drinks… and after some time, I asked if I could play my iPod for old time’s sake.

iBartender, “well, I’m a bit hung-over today, so I kinda’ want to listen to my mellow mix… maybe next Monday.”

Now that was the first time he ever said no to me. And knowing that the following Monday would be the last time we had at the bar, he said, “MAYBE.” Not even, how about next week?

Okay, for the last couple of months, he’s let me play my iPod… and then, suddenly, it’s a big fat NO?!?! and a big fat MAYBE next week?!?! It was always appreciated and never expected, but this was the last Monday Night Dice… the very last… and my iPod play-lists made us friends… sorta’.

Needless to say, I was pissed. Obviously, he didn’t acknowledge any Monday Night nostalgia. He just didn’t give a fuck.

Tall K was wide-eyed and whispered to me, “wow… what a fucking slap in the face… what happened to your Whatever You-Want-Miss-Curious days?”

As I said, I was pissed, and someone who’s pissed typically acts pissy. So I did. I acted so fucking pissy. A petulant child I was.

I made caustic remarks like, “hey iBartender, when you’re done being all bent outta’ shape can I get such and such?”

From afar he’d reply, “huh?”

Tall K would interject and act like I made some normal request with nice words that sounded like the bitchy words that I really used.

Sensing my irritation, iBartender brought over a napkin and a marker and started my drink list as some sort of peace offering. (I often made drink lists to avoid going overboard.) He’d never made my drink list before, so this was something new.

But I still remained a big fat grouch.

Tall K would catch me barstool dancing mid-dice game and comment, “oh look who’s enjoying herself now.”

I’d swiftly shift back into bad-mood mode and make some quip, “I suddenly hate this song!”

It kinda’ became a fun joke with me and Tall K… ya know, something to do other than play dice… play mean. Tall K loves mean Miss Curious… he thinks it’s “Fresh & Fun.”

When I got up to go to the bathroom, apparently iBartender bee-lined for Tall K and asked him, “did I do something wrong? Is she mad at me?”

Tall K simply replied, “oh, no.”

End of conversation.

I came back and thought of a million things Tall K should have said… missed opportunity. Dammit!

After last week, when iBartender told me there was some chick he was into, my first thought is the quintessential Tori Amos lyrics, “maybe she’s just pieces of me you’ve never seen.” But then, I actually wasn’t feeling dramatic enough.

I did wonder though… who was this woman who stole Mr. Uber Flirtatious iBartender’s seemingly impossible to attain heart?

Sometimes, just sometimes… funny things happen… funny small world things… and so, last night, I saw his chick from afar… she breezed in for just a moment… they had their longing stares and lingering hand-holding… and I recognized her. I knew/know her!!!

In fact, Ms. Attained the Unattainable Heart, used to work at my office. She actually got fired from my office. No one gets fired from my work… let’s just say a staff member’s job was held for 9 months until he got out of jail for things like... ooooh, running from the scene of the crime topped off with possession of illegal weapons and was finally caught with a little shot from the cops’ lovely taser guns.

Anyway, my cubicle-mate was the office manager and her boss, and he used to tell me that he’d never had so many complaints about someone as he'd had for her.

After she got fired from our office, she got hired at the restaurant a few doors down where one of my ex-boyfriends (The Brother, who’s a very good friend of mine still)… That’s when I heard more stories about her… a jilted lover I believe called her the devil… The Brother (my ex) who is super sweet and never says anything bad about anyone had once called her “totally sketchy.” He also told me how she would run around on her partner and didn’t give a shit about who she hurt.

She was actually very nice to me… I was always surprised to hear these stories about her… stories in which I never cared or knew to elicit… stories that were voluntarily told to me because they were juicy tales to tell.

When I was in 6th and 7th grades, I was Queen-Bee-Bitch… By 8th grade, I made an active decision to change my selfish and very cruel ways… so perhaps Ms. Attained the Unattainable Heart has changed dramatically in the past year. It’s possible.

Knowing it was her, I felt no jealousy… I just thought, “wow, small fucking world.” Maybe he’ll figure her out… maybe they’ll be fucking blissful… who knows... it doesn't matter much... and I felt kinda’ relieved… like I needed to see that… like end of story.

So, iBartender and I pretty much ignored each other for the rest of the night. Then he left. And we didn’t say good-bye. And I didn’t tell him I wasn’t coming next week. And that’s it. Yup, That’s it for iBartender.

Good night, and Good Luck.

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So here I am with a clean slate.

It’s only a matter of time before it fills up again, and I go through the same song and dance… and bitch and moan about all the same shit.


And so… zen-zen-zen… put things back into perspective… these woes are nothing… I have my vision – I have my hearing – I have an overabundance of food – I have a home – I have a family – I haven’t been sold into the sex slave trade – I can wear whatever I want – I can choose any religion… and really… I really think about these things. I have to remind people that I don’t simply harp on paltry relationship woes… those are mere distractions… there are so many more important things, and I am so fortunate.

Sometimes I wonder how I could ever want more.