This Time I'm Not Pathetic

What a fucking loser. He better be dead or half-dead lying in a ditch somewhere because if he’s not, then he really is a big fucked-up weird-ass loser.

Okay, well that’s a bit dramatic, but still Obsession is just kinda’, well, lame. ;-)

Remember how he called me three times last week until I finally picked up? He then asked if I could help him write a business letter. He was supposed to come over last Thursday or yesterday, Tuesday. Last Wednesday when we spoke, he told me to call him the next day if I could do Tuesday, instead of that Thursday. I left him a message saying I could do the Tuesday after all.

Then yesterday, I left a message asking him to give a shout back to let me know if he was still coming or not… to call me either way, so I could plan around it.

And no fucking phone call. I’m the one helping you… you were the one who suggested the goddamn day!!! What’s so fucking difficult?!?! How difficult is it to pick-up the fucking the phone and call me to say it’s not going to work out… you can’t come… whatever… but to just leave a person hanging – that’s totally fucking immature!

Then of course in the back of my mind, I’m always paranoid that he suddenly found my blog and got freaked out because his name is Obsession. And yeah, that sounds kinda’ bad… but really, he’s just a character in my silly little fantasy world… a character who I know really isn’t someone with whom I’d want to be… I’m really not kidding when I say I know it’d never-ever work with the two of us… it’s just a fun person to go see and flirt with and pretend with, but something I never want to be real (ah, do note that I called it ‘it’)… because really, I didn’t enjoy hooking-up with him… and his wit is no match for my own (haha)… he doesn’t make me laugh… he just has an energy that I like… and kissing him birthed no butterflies, only words of, “what are you doing?” Having him lick my body didn’t give me, “mmmms and ahhhhhs,” instead it evoked thoughts of, “oh shit, that’s gonna’ leave a mark.” Yeah, not leaving a mark in a good way… more in the teenage-hickey-way versus the hot-wild-pull-my-hair-and-bite-my-shoulder-way.

I know where I stand with this guy… he should know that I know this fact as well. In fact, we joke about it often… it’s totally casual with us nowadays… I know he has a girlfriend and cool… I wouldn’t want to be her. Whatever.

Basically, he’s not getting any help from me anytime soon… and if I go to Cheers whenever, then I do. I’m just rollin’ my eyes over here. Hahaha!

Open To Love?

And to answer that “am I open to love” question (the one the self-proclaimed drunkard asked me)… yeah, part of me totally isn’t… part of me is soooo absorbed in my crazy fantasies of what love should be like… and I don’t really want to take the bartenders out of their bars (well, maybe iBartender just to see what he’s packin’, hahaha!)… I just want to be drunk in their establishments and think of how things could be and not how they really are.

When I’m with a guy who’s real… who loves or likes me back, he never seems to be quite right… I’ll always find something wrong with him… always… so oh the fuck well, this blog stream-of-consciousness is turning into one big, “oh look Miss Curious is even more fucked up than we thought,” but really… I give a fuck for about a minute, and then I’m going to laugh and go back to listening to Ladytron on my computer. Hmm... speaking of which, this song's goooo-ooood. Exhibit: my short attention span.