Dug My Own Fucking Grave, Comical

I am such a fucking idiot.

I totally fell for Flava Flav’s bullshit and got totally fucked.

I couldn’t have screamed louder warnings to myself.

And I couldn’t even imagine actually having real feelings for the bastard.

I mean he was irritating as fuck.

Sometimes I would just sign off G-Talk mid-conversation because I couldn’t stand how juvenile he was.

Here I am today, slightly sick to stomach.

I thought he was merely a little MySpace toy.

But then, he grew on me. It was like sharing a bench with someone who was shaking his leg as a nervous habit, and I’d want to reach over and slug the guy. Instead, the irritating shake suddenly became comforting.

He wanted to see me this past weekend. I was reluctant and tired and couldn’t really be bothered. Friday night, however, I got in a bit of a reality t.v. show argument with one of my roommates’ dudes. I wanted to get outta’ the house, so I called Flava Flav. I met up with him and his friends, who just happened to be around the corner from my house. He later told me he planned that just in case I changed my mind.

In my damsel in distress mode, he swooped in and comforted me.

The next morning he told me that fucking me felt different because he started having even stronger feelings for me. I told him that kissing felt different that I actually started having feelings for him as well.

After he left on Saturday, I left him a message saying that I already missed him. He called me right back and said he was going to save the message.

I knew he going out with the boys that night, and I knew there was the chance he’d hook-up because he tells me all the time his way to combat his severe insecurities is by hooking-up with chicks. Fucking lame! I always laughed at that… to his face.

At 11 pm that night he texts me, “how late are you going to be up,” he wanted to come over.

I was tired and said I was already in bed.

Sunday comes along. We talk. I ask if he hooked-up with anyone. Not really thinking he did because he wanted me at 11 pm.

Turns out, he then texted his ex-girlfriend, told her to come over and then fucked the shit out of her.

He is so fucking lame… he is so fucking pathetic!!!

And yet, I felt hurt. I didn’t understand how he could do that. Guess he’s just one fucked up cat.

That’s the end of him. I can’t deal with that bullshit, and I’m fucking idiot for even letting myself go there.

This dude is just a BLIP, a BLIP… 6 months from now, I won’t even remember his name… and that’s just fine.

Now, here we are… a totally clean slate for real this time.


RANDOM INVITE:

On Friday, I got an email from DV… the ex-boyfriend, who got me all bent outta’ shape that I started this blog… out of all the dudes I’ve ever called a boyfriend, he was the only one that ever dumped my ass... and for months, I put up with his insecure ass saying, “you’re gonna’ dump me, aren’t you.” Half the time I sure as hell wanted to especially after saying shit like that, but then, he beat me to it.

Anyway, he invited me to the opening of the San Francisco International Film Festival where attendees included Francis Ford Coppola, Sofia Coppola, George Lucas, Clint Eastwood… at first I said yes, then I called and said no. Frankly, I just didn’t feel like it. I sorta had plans anyway, and I didn’t want to bail.

It was just a very random invite. The last time I saw him was outside some bar where he later texted, “that was weird,” and I texted back, “not for me.” End of story.


ON MY WAY TO WORK SONGS:

Idioteque, Radiohead
For Real, Okkervil River

SHOWS THIS WEEK:

Tapes N’ Tapes at Great American

EXCITING NEWS FOR THE WEEK:

Tori Amos’ new album is being released tomorrow

TONIGHT, FIRST NIGHT OF NO MORE MONDAY NIGHT DICE. Flava Flav played a nice little distraction, so iBartender was totally out of my mind… and actually, kinda’ gone from my mind. Guess I wasn’t really that into him afterall. Cool.



GIVE ME A MINUTE.