I'm taking another week break... now that I can't write at work anymore, and I don't have regular Internet at home, it's a little difficult to get it together. I will though - I will.

I've been out of town and just started the new job... fyi for peeps who've asked about the new job - it's just investment management... nothing too exciting, but financially it will set my ass up ;-).

I'm working on getting email at home because I will no longer be able to post at work. This all means that posting won't be until next week, sorry!

The One Week Rule

fick·le / Show Spelled Pronunciation[fik-uhl] Pronunciation Key – adjective

1. likely to change, esp. due to caprice, irresolution, or instability; casually changeable

2. Miss Curious

Yes, I define the word Fickle. I have capricious tendencies.

I have already deleted my online dating profile. One week has been my staying power for this kind of thing. But - But - But, it wasn't without giving it a genuine 1 week try, haha.

You see, I met Mr. Sober (thank you Elwood for the name). We talked on the phone a few nights before finally deciding to meet, last night. He was attractive and nice and the conversation flowed easily. However, there lacked a certain chemistry.

Of course I made out with him anyway because I have dude tendencies. Things didn't go very far in the sack as I realized that things could never be. I want someone who can come over and have drinks with friends while we play board games until I get too tipsy to remember what color chip I am, but still win anyway.

However, knowing that he didn't drink, I still invited him over. I was still somewhat open to the prospect. There was an extra something that was missing for me to want to further explore him as an option. I do believe there were things that he needed to work out in his life. As nice as he was and as nice as our evening was, he wasn't quite right. Came on a little too strong - maybe a red flag here and there... perhaps I would have overlooked some of these things if he lived in the city or did drink or whatever... but, here I am today, and I know that it's not going to work.

I sent him an email this morning explaining all of this. He responded a moment ago asking if he could change my mind. Really though, I can't imagine being in a relationship where we could never have a drink together or a smoke together. But again, that's not the only thing. Not at all.

He is such a nice guy, and I feel so badly this morning. But, I do feel confident in my decision.

I then removed myself from the online dating site. I can't do it. I've met guys from MySpace, but it's never been right. I never felt chemistry with any of them despite being almost perfect on paper. For some reason, online isn't my thing.

So, I'll have to wait for that conventional way of meeting a "mate." Haha.

It's okay. I feel this is right.


JOB:

Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. It's starting to feel real. I can't stress enough how important these people have been to me. They are my San Francisco family, and I'm leaving the nest. There's a heavy weight on my mind. Very heavy.

My iTunes playlist is forlorn. It's been making me pause and stare at my lava-lamp that a co-worker has already claimed. You know when people say they're "all choked up"? I feel that right now. All choked-up.

I remember coming here for my first interview. The stormy weather. The umbrella that broke and the hot chocolate that spilled on my skirt.

Waiting in the waiting room and seeing employees use the restroom. Wondering if I'd soon know them. I did.

I know I'm being ridiculously nostalgic, but I get close to people. Very close. I know I'll remain in touch with my good friends, but it won't be the same.

Anyway, I'll always have fond memories... and I'm making a good move.

And The Cyber-Stalking Continues...

Someone please-please-please tell me there's no way for someone to see that you've viewed his or her profile?

I totally looked at Bam's profile again today 'cuz I have some spare time. Dumb-Blond-Chick's no longer a friend of his. And then, I took it to the next crazy-cyber-stalking level and searched to see if she was even still on MySpace... and she is, and now her profile is set to private.

AND, of course I get all paranoid and think:

A) they can see I've viewed their profile
B) they've found my blog and have found out how truly psycho I am

Fuck-Fuck-Fuck

MOVING ON - ONLINE DATING:

There's still something about online dating that freaks me out. For some reason it makes me feel like some big dork who can't find men on her own. So, there are now two guys that I actually like. One guy and I have been emailing back fairly regularly, and he seems frickin' perfect; however... of course there's a HOWEVER, he's the sober one. I don't know if I can do that. I'm not writing him off... I'm giving it a try.

Oddly, the other guy I now think is cool... is also SOBER. What the?!?!

Well, it worked out just fine w/ The Brother. We shall see.

Anyway, I'll give updates on the online thingy... I'll probably talk to the first guy this weekend. We'll have to come up with a name for him.

Nonsense

My body's exhausted. I know I'm fighting off a cold. I'm still at work. I'll be here indefinitely. Now that I'm trading in my converse and concert t-shirts for shiny shoes and a wardrobe of dry-clean only, I'm beginning to feel the stress of an impending change in my life... the new job. I've been coming to my current office for five years. Some of the people here are my best friends.
I know that the new job will be sufficiently preparing me for the future, but changing fields and moving to environment likened to a library, seems oh so rough.

But check, got a new job. I've been wanting (and not wanting) this change for some time. I got what I wanted. I can't complain.

NEW YEAR

Now it's a new year. I always say "whatever" to these markers we set for ourselves. I shrug off New Year's Eve celebrations.

This year, I went to dinner with some friends, then a couple of bars, and was home by 10:45 pm. I then called my mom, and we discussed the great deals I got on shampoo as I watched live Nine Inch Nail dvds.

I let the New Year's Eve hype get to me. I suddenly started feeling lonely. I suddenly missed the last person I was with, just because he was the last person I was with. Because he was the last person I fucked. Because he was the last person I woke up with in the morning and kissed.

Because there's no one else to miss.

And in my weak state, I decided to email him, BAM. I did the whole, "I know you probably don't want to here from me, but I was thinking about you and wanted to check-in... I'll understand if you don't email me back."

He did email me back. Surprisingly. He did the, "good to hear from you... and no I won't ignore you and pretend like you don't exist... unless of course, that's the treatment you deserve :-) ... Like the MySpace hair, permanent?... I've thought about you too..." (this is not verbatim and of course, just excerpts) He also told me what he did over the holidays and asked me what I did.

The "pretend you don't exist" part sure made my eyes widen as did the MySpace comment... considering I'd immaturely deleted him as a friend on MySpace and changed to a privacy setting. I was pretending like he didn't exist. These word, "Miss Curious just pretend like he doesn't exist," actually went through my head, and I felt dumb. So, if he commented on the hair on MySpace, then the last time he looked at my profile was before I deleted. Perhaps he hasn't noticed, which is good and bad.

The only reply I've had from him I've had since is a forward. He's probably dating that Dumb-Blond-Chick or whatever I named her. Of course, there is the fact that I'm just off his radar... someone in the far past that's just good to hear from.

But really. Who cares.

Like I said, he was only on my mind because there's no one else to be. And my mind is no longer occupied with the job hunt... so I'm bo-ored!

So, got to remedy that.

My stupid-ass decided to sign up for one of those hipster-ee pretentious online dating sites. I've dabbled in this a bit on MySpace when contacted by seemingly interested dudes and oh, that one stoned evening on CL that led me to 5th Paragraph. I've also communicated with peeps on online dating before, but then I chicken out and take my profile off a week later.

I've been on for 2 days now. I'm now "messaging" with 2 guys. The one I like the most is, I think based off his profile, Sober. Which is cool, and The Brother was sober and other friends I have are too, but for a long-term partner? The idea of never drinking together seems slightly bleak. It's kind of a deal-breaker for me. So end of that.

The other guy I like wrote this fun little blurb, but then ended it with, "you have the sexiest and lips." SEXY is a word that just turns me off. It seems so Casual Encounter... and sleezey to me. I did decide to message him back because his profile and the beginning of his email were worthy of a try.

Another guy sent me a picture of solely his abs. I have a huge aversion to shirtless photos. He then only said in his message, "he sexy, what are you doing?" Another SEXY? Come On!!! Despite having to die for abs, which could totally not be his anyway, I deleted that one right away. Other guys... wow, I know this sounds mean - oh wow, all of this does - guess I'm breaking my New Year's Resolution to be nice - so yeah, other guys blazonly display all the reasons they're in the single boat.

We shall see though. I have to give it a try. My grandma got tipsy over the holidays and told me in her heavy mexican accent in all seriousness, "you not even try (swaying arm motions)... can't you just try." I genuinely felt badly. I genuinely felt like I was letting her down.

So grandma, I'm going to try... at least for a minute.

Sorry

I know I've been missing in action, but I've been UBER busy. I just got a new job (details later), so I've been swamped with wrapping up everything at my current office as well as actual insane work. I've been staying late every night, argh!

Anyway. Guess I have a couple things to write about by week's end ;-)