Celebrity Obsession.

Celebrity idolatry is for teens. Then why is it that I have to do everything in my power to stop myself from plastering my wall in Trent Reznor posters? I thought my days were over as an obsessive fan… thought it had ended when Billy Corgan (of the Smashing Pumpkins) and I didn’t get married on my eighteenth birthday.

But now here I am again, 8 years later google’ing everything I can possibly find on Trent Reznor… now, I’ve read hundreds of interviews, and I’m in love. They say he’s lonely, and he cries after shows… and all I want to do is rescue him and have him rescue me. And wow, what archaic forms of love – that whole rescue bit.

Anyways, to let you know how ridiculous I really am… I look for things in his interviews to hold onto – some reason it might not work with the two of us (as if we really had a chance) – for instance, he wants to act at some point. Lame. Please Trent, leave the acting to the Paris Hilton’s of the world. Secondly, he’s not into smoking weed… not that I’m a huge smoker, but I like it on occasion. Sooo, you see, I hold onto these paltry quirks of his as to not ruin my real life with my fantasies…

And how interesting it is that I have this acute self-awareness… that here I am a young adult who recognizes her delusions and her masochistic ways… and I live my life watching myself fall into these fantasies and watching myself go after boys I know aren’t for me (if I had them, wouldn’t want ‘em), just so I can feel the pain of longing, of unrequited love, and blah fucking blah blah blah.

Man, I’m nuts, and some days I’d like to be normal (again, whatever that is)… but most of the time, this is okay. I have faith that one day I will replace Trent Reznor with someone real… and that real person won’t want to act and will smoke weed.