Complain'ism

Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so cavalier about the Guns N Roses tickets… yesterday on Craigslist, the tickets were going for way under face value. I decided against buying them from someone beforehand because that meant I’d have to get to the venue early, and you all know me… I wanted to get stoned and walk over on my own fucking time… but wow, I get there and no such luck. I was totally pissed. There were so many people looking for tickets and they were suddenly going for much over face value. And then, like all things (boys particularly), the second I couldn’t get them, I was ready to throw down the bucks - wanted them a hundred times more – but luckily reason struck me, and instead, I called Midge in New York…. He’s a night owl like myself, and I had him check online to see what was happening at all the other venues in San Francisco. Ahh. To no avail.

Since I’d taken a nap thinking I’d be up w/ Axl Rose and Sebastian Bach all night, I had so much energy… so I got pizza, smoked some more and watched Dave Chappelle. Then, I fell asleep with my headphones on, like most nights.


BOYS: still in the dumps about boys and realizing that that’s not the kind of intensity I want right now… as it doesn’t seem to be good intense. And for the first time in a while, I genuinely am just tired of the game. I think I’m going to take myself out of it for a little while… yes, I always change my mind in a heartbeat and never do what I say I’m going to do, but fuck, I just really really really don’t want the headache… ahhhhhhh, when will it ever work though?!?! Will I be 40 and doing this same bullshit dating game… I just want to be meeeeeeeee… and not long for it so much… not feel so lonely without it. It’s weird that I’m so busy and have so many great friends and a great family and this and that… and when I’m still not completely satisfied for whatever fucked up reason, I think that it’s because I don’t have that last little thing, a boy. But then, when I do have a boy, and I’m still not satisfied, I dump him and cry because I wonder if anything will ever make me happy. And I have so fucking much to be happy about and appreciative about, and I’m so fucking lucky in the lottery of life… and yet…

Oh, eternal complain’ism.

Fuck me.