I'm a DumbAss

Thank you Anonymous for pointing out my complete retardedness... I fucked my dates up because i can't fucking believe tomorrow is November... Anyway - give me 2 weeks off folks :)... i need to find a little inspiration... right now, i just feel like reading every night. Who does that?!?!? hahaha!

This means - unless i've once again calculated incorrectly ------- I'll be back, November 15th - gracias!!!

I'LL BE BACK...

OKAY... I'LL START POSTING AGAIN IN 2 WEEKS - NOVEMBER 8TH.

THANK YOU AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN PUNKS!!!

I'm on a break right now. Life's supreme... I'm just leavin' the blog for a minute... Of course, I want things to happen that are blog worthy, but right now I'm enjoying "same old - same old"... I could write about lame thoughts i have on my way to work, but i just don't feel like it.

Stay tuned. I'll come back soon.

Oops, I Forgot I Have a Blog!

Sorry for forgetting I have a blog... recap of the last week:

- Friday, The Secret Machines at the Grand in SF, fucking badass show... new obsession?
- Saturday, awesome day at the Ocean Beach... smoking and pigging out... then to see Marie Antoinette, good music, mediocre movie
- Sunday, thrift store shopping w/ Chicajato
- Monday, Cursive at The Fillmore... fucking sucked ass... at least I only bought a diet coke, made it a cheap evening... walked there and back.
- Tuesday, birthday party, a gazillion courses and totally paid for by the gazillionaire owner of my company... met a man with the fucking HOOK-UP - he does promo's for a bunch of bands coming through SF -- and what oh what bands are included - NINE INCH NAILS (he's met Trent and is going to try and give me the hook-up next time he's here - OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!) and then he reps a gazillion other huge bands... HELLS YA!
- Wednesday, Bottom of the Hill with GreenEyes... almost took 2 band members home who were looking for a place to crash... I told them I could be their back-up as my place wasn't ideal, but I didn't want them sleeping on the street.
Bought This Shirt From the Band "Say Hi to Your Mom":




- Last night, watched Laguna Beach, Season 1 on NetFlix, Yes, so LAME of me, I'll admit.
- Tonight, dinner with LaSassy, her BF and Chicajato, her BF, then drinks perhaps?

I'm looking forward to Halloween next week... I have every intention of living a fucking badass blog entry. Haha.


Side Notes:

I'm completely retarded at entering those security code letters when I'm trying to buy tickets... I have to enter them like a hundred times.

Glad everyone else is retarded with the earbuds.

I'm actually sorta' happy. I'm busy, but feel pretty chill... no drama... no need. Just hangin' out. Boring for all you though :) !!!

In The Words of Jackie-O

So here's Jackie-O's post, unchanged (w/ the exception of colors and bolds)... thank you sweets :)... and after her entry, I gave my thoughts:

Being asked to guest-blog for this amazing woman is an honor. I’m assuming the purpose of this is to give some third-party insight as to my first impression of Obsession.

Unfortunately, the last time we were at Cheers, Obsession was not there. So, this past Thursday night I was excited to find out if I would finally get the chance to meet the guy that was sweet and caring when Miss Curious got all emotional on him.

As soon as we walk in we stroll straight up to the bar and I do believe that within 5 minutes of being there, he walks over. Introductions are made and then the drinks. So what did I think????

Well, the guy looked tired. He looked older than I thought and also more muscular. He looked like the kind of guy who a couple years back probably rocked out in some grunge band. Maybe it was the hair that gave that impression. It was straight and went a little past his chin. He did have pretty eyes which I noticed he rarely took off Miss Curious.

During the entire night while Miss Curious and I talked about finding one’s path in life, and the tendencies of various astrological signs Obsession seemed to linger. I noticed him checking to see if she needed more water or what-not and if there wasn’t a reason for him to come over…..he’d linger. Just close enough to seem out of place. It was cute. When they conversated about his potential business venture - he didn’t take his eyes off her.

Now what does this mean?? Not sure. I’m rather confused. Miss Curious told me that on more than one occasion he had asked her for her ph# or he had given him hers (I can’t remember which), but the point is he never called nor called her back. She said he was seeing someone now and had been for awhile, but I can tell that there is an interest there. Definitely. Just not sure because of this weird phone behavior. Maybe he’s hot for her, but he doesn’t want to get to close to temptation. Maintaining distance. Reaching out, but then shirking away. He wants to, but it would be wrong. Now is not the time kind of thing.
Either way, when it was time for us to leave….he must have been on break or something because he was gone. He hadn’t even said bye to her. But then again, maybe he was assuming she was going to camp out at the bar because he was working.

I think a substantial reason why Obsession is, well, an obsession is because Miss Curious cannot have him. She’s come so close. Now he’s just dangled in front of her like a carrot. We all want what we can’t have. But then again, maybe if she had him…..she’d still want him but this time even more.

Miss Curious:

I always appreciate another's observations, and of course, I knew Jackie-O's would be interesting and much appreciated! Sooo... Everytime I go in, i do find that he gets less and less cute, and I find myself less and less charmed by a smile that once left me, literally speechless... My response to Jackie-O, which I mentioned that evening as well, is that he and i are now somewhat friends... we have a familiarity with one another, so he'd naturally come over and say hello. I don't know... I suppose it doesn't matter much anymore... it once did, but now I enjoy going to Cheers more to catch up with my favorite female bartender who always has exciting tales of sex and the prospect of love and female empowerment... and plenty o' good laughs :)...... thank you again Jackie-O - you're a badass, and I can't wait to hang out again soon!!!

Guest Blogging

I've convinced Jackie-O to guest blog, so you can look forward to some eloquent amazing post from her on Monday. Yeay! She'll tell you all her thoughts about Obsession, who she finally got to meet... and perhaps some details on our conversations or our mutual insanity... hmm, I'm excited to read it!

KriKri- I hadn't realized that i posted the earbud piece twice, and when someone pointed it out, i went and deleted the duplicate... what i hadn't paid attention to was the fact that the one i had deleted consisted of all the comments... and i loved you're comment!!!

For those of you who didn't get the chance to read it, KriKri commented on the candelbra, which is titled "did someone say drama?" and she said something to the effect of, "did someone say fire hazard?" and my laugh was accompanied by loud volume.

LET'S SEE WHAT TROUBLE I CAN BREW UP FOR THE WEEKEND!!!

Jackie-O and Tight Vaginas

Tonight I’m going to hang out with Jackie-O… we’re going to Cheers, and as always I hope Obsession will be there… I just like to look. What can I say he’s easy on the eyes. I’ve told him many times that I really appreciate him… he’s put up with my drunken flirting and that awful-awful moment when I cried in front of him (please note: this was outside of the bar)… he was so fucking amazing about that tearful moment… and all I wanted to do was nuzzle up to his warm chest and be protected forever. Cheese-eeeey, yes.

Anyway, I rather enjoy Jackie-O’s company… she and I met from blogging… she connected to mine… made a comment here and there… I did the same, and then we decided to get together. I relate to her on many levels… particularly our intensity. Hmm. It’s nice to meet good peeps. Peeps who are totally for real.

I also wanted to comment on one of her recent posts… the post where she discussed the size – tightness – etc of a woman’s vagina. I hadn’t really thought too much about that before, and I’m now very intrigued.

I do recall one conversation a very long time ago where a guy I was fucking told me about some chick who’d said he had a dick on the smaller size. He then retorted something to the effect of, “well, you have a pussy on the larger size.” After reading Jackie-O’s post, that comment took on a new meaning. I always thought the idea of a “tight pussy” meant infrequent sex… a pussy that hasn’t been stretched out from a whole lotta’ cock.

Turns out my assumption was wrong. Conceivably, abundant sex can also be a contributor to a larger sized vagina. Of course, the wheels are now spinning in Miss Curious’ head (oh, that insane curiosity of hers)… and I will be steadfast in my research of this topic. I will most definitely report back with my findings. Perhaps if Obsession's there and it’s not uber busy, I’ll ask him. He’s used to my inappropriate conversation by now. He’s a dirty boy (HOT!), so I think I can feel the topic out. Jackie-O, be prepared. Hahaha!

Just Some THINGS

-- How is it that I see all these people walking around the city with their white little earpieces listening to their iPods, and I’m completely retarded and can’t get those things to stay in my fucking ears?!?! I try and try to shove them in, but they don’t quite fit. Headphone makers are assholes and no longer make my favorite headphones anymore. Instead, I feel like there’s this exclusive little earphone club in which I’m not a member, and I feel like a complete ass about it… that they all know the secret to getting them in their ears, and I just haven’t been let in on it.

-- How is it that homeless man on the corner has a sweet little number he’s cuddling up to every morning on my walk to work? Homeless guy is getting’ waaaay more action than I am. Fuck him. And I wonder if they got homeless together or if they met on the street… if they’re homeless for the same reason… they seem to have this loving “spooning” relationship… or is he like, “fuck bitch, you’re fucked up… you’re more homeless than me.” I’ve also walked by the motherfucker while he was opening a new thing of batteries for his walkman… and reading a novel. What the fuck?

-- I want these things (SEE BELOW). I want to have enough money to buy these things when I want them. People steal and kill one another to buy “THINGS”… People lie, cheat, steal, murder to go to nice restaurants and have nice cars and buy nice clothes. “THINGS” are a powerful motivation. Sure money equates power, but if you really think about it, we gave money power. Where did we go so wrong? Religion will turn a blind eye if you give the church money… money for wine, goblets, and excessively adorned temples for worship… and money to lure in those little boys. But I too am not without this desire to have things.


This is called the "Bell Song Cardigan"




This candelabra is really called "Did Someone Say Drama?"




Luckily, this is appropriately titled, "Corner Chair" (same company though)




This is the "Jacquard Boatneck"




-- When did people start crazily decorating homes? People buy fake flowers and country wallpaper to make their homes pretty. Being in the real estate business, I’m always hearing these mini-tycoons w/ their gazillion properties picking out the perfect cabinets and sinks and floors and tile and pictures of vintage posters not because they like Orangina, but because that’s what they sell at Pottery Barn. Of course, I do the same… well, at least for my walls I try to purchase things that have meaning or are from some place I’ve been like papyrus from the pyramids or shit like that. But anyway. Sometimes I think at great lengths about how crazy we’ve gotten with our decorating… and I do recognize it’s origins, but really, we’re pretty fucking excessive… and again, I need that goldleaf to decorate my bathroom, so I’ll just go steal it!!! haha!

MASSACHUSETTS:

Of course this decision will be made with much consideration of all factors involved. I spoke with my uncle yesterday… faxed him my resume to have on file. He’s one of those businessmen who “know’s people,” so he seemed optimistic about getting me a job. We also discussed the timing… should I go after the new year or in the spring… lots of things to think about. Most importantly, my grandparents have yet to decide their next moves. Hopefully within a month or two, they’ll have made some decisions. I am leaning toward the move.

It's In The Blood

For those of you who read all about my Mexico trip, my gramps is now in the nursing home… my grandma is going crazy being at home alone. My parents are trying to get them to move to SoCal as my psychiatrist dad works closely with a nursing home there, and then grandma won’t have to live in an empty house. However, my obstinate grandma (that’s where I get it) won’t budge. She doesn’t want to leave the home she’s been in for 30 years.

So, I’m sitting here in San Francisco, now 100% certain I’m going to grad school assuming I can get my ass in somewhere, and I’m bored as fuck… I’ve always been a restless one, what a fucking surprise right?!?! Anyway, there’s a good chance I may just move my ass to Massachusetts for one year… here are the pros and cons:

Pros of Moving to Massachusetts:

1. My grandma won’t be alone
2. I can regularly visit my grandpa with whom I am very close, and who knows how long he’ll be around
3. I will live rent free and pay-off debt before grad school
4. I’ll actually get to spend time with my 2 half sisters (5 & 15) and 2 half brothers (17 & 19)… I’m definitely one for blood, and I never get enough time w/ them, so this is pretty huge for me.
5. I’ll see my real dad a bit more (this could be a con too, hahaha!)
6. I’ll get to kick it w/ my aunt, who’s pretty young, wild and crazy!
7. My grandma will teach me how to cook all of my favorite recipes
8. I’ll have a change of scenery for a year – I haven’t lived on the east coast since I was about 8 (Massachusetts/Vermont) I did spend every single summer and winter there until I was about 16/17 (fun and exciting custody, visiting real dad in Mass), BUT ANYWAY.
9. I’ll take my prereq’s at a local community college, and I’ll get plenty of studying done when my grandma’s not nagging at me, haha!

Cons of Moving to Massachusetts:

1. I’ll leave an uber fun city for a year
2. I won’t have a group of friends there… well, instead I’ll have 3 sets of grandparents, 2 aunts, 1 uncle, 2 sisters, 2 brothers, 3 cousins, 1 dad, 1 badass ex-step mom (of 11 years), and 1 rad godmother
3. I’ll miss my friends here
4. I’ll miss my job here
5. The actual process of moving is arduous, and I have truly done this too many times
6. I hated my Massachusetts summers… HUMIDITY & MOSQUITOES!!! And grams, does not have AC.
7. My little sister graduates from college in June and may be headed to San Francisco... I want to make sure she stays, so being here when she arrives could work to my advantage... I want her to live her more than anything!!!

Reasons Why This Is Possible:

1. I have ZERO strings at this point in my life
2. I know I’m going to come back in a year to go to grad school
3. It’s a crazy time for a lot of my friends, so they can live without Miss Curious for ONE itty-bitty year. (i.e. LaSassy’s uber busy in law school, Chicajato works in a gazillion cities, Midge moved, GreenEyes doesn’t live in the city YET, etc)
4. My uncle can probably find me a job (BUT, not finding one could actually pose as my BIGGEST PROBLEM)

In Conclusion:

Ultimately, I have to wait and see what my grandparents decide to do... they may just decide to move to SoCal in which case I'd stay here. Then, there's finding a job in Massachusetts... I'd like something close to my grandparents home and something that will enable me to chip away at my debt and save some dinero as well... this could be an impossible task.

I must admit I'm half in love w/ the idea. I'm getting tired of going out to the same places... doing the same things... a change of pace would be refreshing. It's not going to be all fun and games though... my grandma makes me want to pull my hair out half the time, but I can't stand hearing that shaky voice as she holds back her tears when she talks about being alone her home... it makes me want to throw-up with how sad I get for her... and gramps in the nursings home. Did I mention I'm close to my family?! Um, yeah.

Skid Row

Since I’ve been such a negligent blogger, I might as well share something very disgusting, so I’m forgiven.

We all remember my sexcapades with Nice Guy, right!?!?! Well, the night I was heading over to the Fillmore for the show, I of course got stoned. I was on my way out the door when the urge to shit suddenly came over me. I did my business, and being a little stoned, I was pretty lazy about the whole thing.

Then, Nice Guy comes over… we have some sex, he spends the night, and we both leave for work in the a.m. When I got home from work, I began picking up my trail of clothes from the night before, and there in plain view, were Miss Curious’ Victoria Secret 5 for $25 cotton disco designed panties with – with – with……….. wait for it…………. that’s right, skid marks, my friends… skid marks that we only think are products of negligent male wipers… dark brown, unmistakably shit marks on the stark white crotch of my underwear.

First thoughts, “did I take these off or did he?” “did he walk by these on his way out this morning?” “oh my fucking god!” “Oh my fucking god!” …. And I also thought, “oh my fucking god!”

The only hope I have that he hadn’t seen them was the fact that he eagerly came over a couple days later for more sex… either he didn’t give a shit or he didn’t see ‘em… oh please god, please god, tell me he didn’t see them.

So my friends, moral of the story – wipe well.

What Was That Guy's Name I Was Never Gonna' Get Over?

Friday night I went out to a celebratory dinner with LaSassy (congrats on the summer job)… on our way to a nearby bar, I bumped into DV…. For those of you unaware, DV was the catalyst for my very first post… I’d been wanting to break-up with him…it was one of those things where there were a gazillion red flags that I ignored because the sex was so great… like lying about his age (oh my god! RUN if some guy does this to you!!!)… of course, there were good things about him as well, so don’t get me wrong.

Anyway, he ended up dumping me, and I was surprised as fuck and then pissed as fuck and then wanted him back because I always want what I can’t have. At the time, I couldn’t see beyond my bitter reaction to being dumped, so everything seemed like the end of the world, and I didn’t want him… I just wanted him to want me.

In those moments, we never think the hurt’s going to go away. Later down the blog road, I wrote about DV and I meeting up for sex and how I wasn’t that into and he was… and how long before that I wanted him to be in my bed again, but then when I had him there, I didn’t care… and I didn’t even care to have the sort of vindication where he wanted me to want him again… when I bumped into him Friday night, he was like, “oh my god – what are the chances that you’d be walking in at the exact moment I was walking out…” how very girly of him… us girls always seem to be saying shit like that. We said our hellos, and he seemed annoyed that I had one foot in the door – one foot out (literally)… I went home early and got a text message from him immediately saying, “um, that wasut weird good seeing you.” I replied, “oh sorry… I was just tired.” Bleh.

A few weeks ago I was cleaning out my drawers, and I stumbled upon some old journals… in them I wrote about some sorry-ass woes I was having with some boy… and I couldn’t for the life of me remember who the fuck it was I had been writing about.

It goes to show – THIS TOO SHALL PASS


THIS PICTURE IS DEDICATED TO MY LOVING BFF (BEST FRIEND FOREVER, not to be confused w/ LaSassy who is my BCF, BEST CHUM FOREVER):

BFF, THANK YOU FOR COMING OVER, BRINGING BRIE, VEGAN BREAD, HUMMUS, AN APPLE, AND WATCHING NATIONAL LAMPOONS CHRISTMAS VACATION ON MUTE WHILE LISTENING TO TORI AMOS' COVER OF LOVESONG... "WHENEVER I'M ALONE WITH YOU, YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I AM FUN AGAIN..."

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHY I'M DEDICATING A PICTURE TO YOU (UM, APPEASE YOUR MYSPACE ISSUES, HAHA)

SA - AAP- PY (psycho-sappy)

Last night GreenEyes and I went to see Band of Horses at the Fillmore. The show wasn’t too shabby… the lead singer had this amazing voice… amazing in the sense that he didn’t necessarily want to be a lead singer, perhaps just a guitarist, but he was born with this insane voice that he projects effortlessly… as though that’s how he speaks... and he was the quintessential reluctant rockstar.

I was mesmerized by him the entire night… maybe because he had a startling resemblance to Bad Break-Up, a familiarity of a man I once thought I’d be with forever… and also because there was something so raw about him… something that in my MJ high induced state I found so seductive making me feel this weird reticence or something… that I was suddenly exposed… rather powerless, giving myself up to this imperfect man’s voice and presence… and realizing how psychotic I am about live music and weed…

And I began wondering how he loved… did he love like me? like how I… desperately wanted to feel his (not him in particular, more my “soulmate” that I don’t believe in, but really do) sweat leaving his pores and entering mine… and having more of his spit in my mouth than of my own… how I wanted to trace his tattoos with my fingertips… and run my tongue along the scars of his body… how I wanted to feel him so deep inside of me… with our juices mixing together to become another kind of cum… and when tears fall from his eyes, I want them on my cheeks… I want to taste their salt and feel their pain… and to grip one another so tightly that I can hardly breathe… and all I can breathe is his breath… and to feel my cheeks pressed so hard together that it almost hurts… and I want to know everything about him… every memory… every dark moment… every night he cried himself to sleep… wondering where I was… and I just want to look at him… I just can’t take my eyes off of him because I can’t believe it’s him… because I want to absorb his every expression… and I’m so the type to go get matching tattoos… to share this ink, this permanence… to have our blood drawn in the same form… to have him marked on my body... and then maybe the next week I’ll go back and have it covered by some silly tiger because it hurt so badly to love him… because I couldn’t take living on the brink of implosion or explosion… could it be possible to swallow a man… to be swallowed by a man? Could this kind of love last forever… and I go to shows and I do this and that and wonder... I wonder who’s my kind.

Nice Guys Finish Where?

(work has been busy, so sorry for the delay)

Is there really such a thing as No Strings Attached? In theory, it seems like a great idea… but like most things, in practice, it’s a much different story. I would have really enjoyed an NSA with Nice Guy, but after getting a phone call and email from him shortly after our last sexcapade, I started to realize that strings would most certainly get attached… and here’s the thing – it breaks my heart to think of hurting him (not that he was in love w/ me or it was super serious, but still)… I wish I could have feelings for him because he’d be well deserving of them. It’s also weird to realize that one person can have strong feelings in a certain direction while the other’s feelings just don’t match… fuck… when will they match!?!?! I hate hurting people’s feelings just as much as I hate having mine hurt. Anyway, enough of my ramble… here’s a look at the email exchange:

Miss Curious:

are you absolutely going to kill me if i tell you i'm a complete slut, and you're a sweet-sweet innocent man that truly needs to run in the other direction from me?!?! hahaha! it's probably best we keep things platonic... as much as i enjoy(ed) your company, in the end, it never becomes "just hookin' up".... and since we sorta' work together, now's probably a better time to laugh at ourselves and forge ahead. is this cool?

Nice Guy:

Ya you were pretty clear about this not lasting too long. I can see how you think I’m an “innocent man”… had a great time w/ you and would have loved to continue, but if you feel it’s time to call it quits then it’s time to call it quits. I never really thought you were a slut or a freak or anything like that, in fact you seemed really quite normal and I was looking forward to some new stuff, running in the other direction was the last thing I wanted to do. So were you afraid of hurting of me?

Miss Curiuos:

soooooo, what i wanted to say is that things end up getting complicated more often than not... we could keep something up, but hooking up is never w/ out strings attached.... i think you're so frickin' sweet, and i know we will continue having a working relationship, so i'd prefer not to make things awkward in the long run.... and while things are still chill, just leave it at that... ya know?

I gave the Nice Guy a try… like I said before, it was nice… it was nice to get banged (um, meaning, the neighbor banged on the wall because my bed was banging up against it, oops!)….. and that’s that.


PS – thanks for the grad school heads-up… I just may check it out… do I know who sent this info?


and oh oh oh - here were a couple questions i failed to include from the previous post:

Have You Ever...

- 69'd, NO
- Had a girl sit on your face, NO
- Fucked a girl's face, NO
- Lied on a girl's back while fucking her from behind, NO
- Kissed a guy, NO
- Been with more than one girl at a time, NO
- Had sex in water: pool, spa, NO

Those were just a few extras... I mean, doing these things and the things from my previous post are kinda' common aren't they? Hm. So, for a No Strings Attached, it's not unreasonable to want someone who's as perverted as I am, right!??!