Post Date Wrap-Up

I don't have time to write the details today... and then won't be back in touch until Wednesday........ but just to tease your pallets...

I got the MILKERS groped AND sucked! 5th Paragraph totally came through! That's as far as things went because two drunk, high, and tired people can't do a whole lot.

He's out of town for the long weekend, and then I'm busy until next Sunday, so I'm not sure when we'll see one another again. I hope he calls. I think he will. One can never be sure though.

All in all, it was a great night. Even if nothing comes of it, it was well worth it. One fun evening with an awesome guy.

Woo You Lie to Oler Flied Lice?

One of these days I know I’m going to slip up and say, “yes Wass’n’Fole” back to the drycleaner-wash and fold lady who calls me Aroll. “You want tomorrow Aroll?”

Yes, Aroll (um, aka Miss Curious) is MEAN & UN-PC, but whatever, peeps are always making fun of my slow-stoner drawl AND white-ass.


One more day until we wrap up the Craigslist story… if the “date” is shit, at least I had some entertainment for a week or two.

Why Does Miss Curious So Appropriately do Ridiculous Things Like Stoned Craigslist Posts:

"The life of the creative man is lead, directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes."

- Saul Steinberg

"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." (MmmKay, Miss Curious!)

- Ellen Parr

Miss Curious Has a Date!!!

5th Paragraph and I spoke on the phone last night for about 2 hours. He’s basically fucking awesome and waaaaaaaaaay more intelligent than I am. As much as I want to rave about him, I completely understand that the phone and email are no match for the chemistry of two individuals face to face.

And plus, Craigslist!?!?! I did get to weed (pun not intended) him out of 50 responses, but I still don’t have much faith in online dating or online whatever I was doing when I was so fucking stoned to think straight.

We’ve decided to grab a drink on Thursday night. I would certainly use the word “excited” to describe how I feel about the “date,” but again, I have to remind myself that all too often things end as quickly as they begin. I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic, but why pretend that I’m not?!!? Hahahaha!

It’s all a wait and see… and Miss Curious is going to try her hardest to practice patience… to act somewhat maturely… to try and apply lessons learned and not throw them out the window with any first emotional response I may have.

So yes, we shall see.

GreenEyes - I didn't mention this last night because i hadn't spoken to him yet and didn't know what to expect... and i'm unfortunately not super optimistic about the whole online thing - although, this online thing was a little less conventional - as the desired outcome wasn't thoroughly considered upon execution... AND, there are times with friends where other conversations are much more important than the "what if's" of potential online dates.

Should this Thursday date be a successful one, it will certainly be a hot topic for us to discuss further :)!!!

5th Paragraph Comes Out Ahead!!!

(see last post for reference)

In the end I emailed curly fries, rolled down windows, and 5th paragraph… the only one who didn’t ask for my number and picture and instant message handle and want everything right this very minute was 5th paragraph. He was completely chill about everything… He’s also the only one out of over 40 responses that addressed the 5th paragraph… I’d post all of our emails if they weren’t as long as they are. He has this style of writing that is simplistic and cute – that reveals his erudition… he writes these little details that are charming and deliberate.

Unfortunately, I can’t communicate his subtle grace through my snippets below… Take from these what you will:

Email Subject: I wasn’t even stoned…

when i read your post. but then i figured i'd better fix that before sending out a reply. it was really your 5th paragraph that caught my attention. i guess i, too, have felt lonely **sounds like boo-hoo misscurious, so i love it** standing in a crowd of good friends. that's really when i decided to pack this bowl and write you...

plus, i have a soft spot for anyone who ever wished there was a great show going on monday night **another show addict - he's the only one that addressed my comment on wishing there were show that night**. ever since jazz mafia tuesdays died out for the 2nd time (bruno's was better but 12 galaxies is within skating **i love me some skaters! really** distance at least), i have not spent enough mornings hung over at work, promising half-heartedly to stop thinking 4 hours of sleep will be enough.

anyway, i'm 28 and work as an engineer (note that i did not say "i am an" **love that**, that is for a reason).

He never emails back right-away, which I love... that's right, make me wait... and it's sad that that statement is actually true... give me a challenge bitch! At this time, we have now exchanged telephone numbers... he called saturday, i was at Radiohead... I called last night... he wasn't around... and we still haven't spoken... I'm actually a little excited to talk to him. Hmmmm. I wonder how he'll be on the phone?!?! Will he be able to keep up with my ceaseless sarcastic comments!?!?!

Time will tell!

Oh The Joys of Craigslist

I wish my blog had enough space to post all 40 responses to my Craigslist ad... and they just keep rolling in. Every stoner in the city of San Francisco has suddenly found "the one" that being me.

But of course, posting on Craig's is NOT without the occasional PERRRRRRRRVVVV.

- One of my very first replies was indeed a cock shot with cum oozing out of the head. De-Lete.

- I also got the "I'm old enough to be your father, but I liked your post..." In that same category (different response), "I'm just retired and am more than a little older than you... I've taught college, been a war correspondent, won photography awards, been an investigative reporter, written an acclaimed book, and been the subject of a movie... I could take you traveling around the world." (And you're looking for a stoner who wants to watch Old School and eat Cheezits!?!?! De-Lete.)

- Telephone numbers and Instant Messenger Handles... Much too eager for me. That strikes me as a 'they do this a lot' person. De-Lete.

- Then I got the guys who've clearly created an automated response, again, they must do this lot... huge turn-off... but then, what did i expect, right?!! (i really didn't know what to expect)... "I'm a great kisser... let's go golf... I will give you your freedom..." "I'm such a romantic kind of guy... I like walking on the beach at night and watching the stars" - Are they for real?!? NOT FOR ME. CHEEEESE-ITS. DE-LETE.

- "Into psytrance? I could play a set..." ?!?! What?!?! That one line was actually the entire response. De-Lete.

- Then of course I got some lovely compliments, " that was the funniest post I have read yet," "I just flagged that post for Best of Craigslist" (wow, that's a bit extreme... CL must have a dearth of posts if he thinks this, but thanks anyway!) "refreshing post, is it for real?", "hilarious!" THANK YOU BOYS THANK YOU!

- "And, to be sure, those Cheese-Nip IMPERSONATORS need to go die a slow death." (I totally agree!!! Cheezits are the only way to go! Haven't deleted yet, hm.)

- "I want to know about this house that has windows that roll down." (when i was stoned this was funny as shit, and i was laughing too hard to think of a good reply - De-Lete)

- "What a coincidence, I'm also stoned and mooching wireless from my neighbor as I read this... I just spent a good 45 minutes in the Safeway cereal isle pondering the life-or-death decision between frosted flakes and honey comb" (funny, but he's 23... too young for me... he sent a pic... cute, but looks like a little boy, De-Lete, sorry)

- "it was really your 5th paragraph that caught my attention. i guess i, too, have felt lonely standing in a crowd of good friends. that's really when i decided to pack this bowl and write you." (He counted the paragraphs?!??! The rest of this post was actually cute, have yet to delete)

- This was kinda' cute: "it seems that you managed to eek out a somewhat offbeat and intriguing CL post, so you could be totally rad and fabulous (how'd he know!?!) and I could end up regretting passing by this opportunity for the rest of my life. Who wants that kind of baggage on their shoulders? Not me. I don't know if you need or currently want to know a whole bunch of exciting crap about me like what color my socks are, my first dog's name or whether or not I like rocky road ice cream better that sorbet, so I'll just say that I am not a weird creep." (Still contemplating. Hm)

- "At the moment, I am not sure that I should have replied to this, if you were looking for a reply or even what the hell exactly it is you are looking for period (besides cheese-its,) but since I am sitting here carousing about the dingy, sticky corners of craigslist while ripping the bong, I figured I should at least say hello." (true, i'm not sure what it is I'm looking for... like the writing... haven't deleted)

Anyway, the list goes on and on... from grandpa's to stanford "i'm more than financially stable" grads, it was all there... and it was all entertaining... and this is all still trippy to me.

I bumped into LaSassy on the bus this morning... we discussed how about 80% of the time I'm stoked to be living my little Miss Curious life in San Francisco... yup, my lil' single self bopping around the city bumping into my favorite bus drivers and pals here and there... seeing live shows, going to film festivals and smoking fat blunts, hahaha... it's just these few moments - these few impulses - that sweep over me on occasion and provoke me to do these ridiculous things that i'd love to just disappear... i'd love to be free of any desire for a male... ahhh... if only the rules of this game were different.

But anyway, I'm not compelled to correspond with anyone... emailing's fun for a minute, and as much as I thought I wanted to meet some silly boy, it all seems like such a bother.

I'd prefer to just meet someone the old fashioned way... you know, show up at the church with mom and dad's pick waiting there for me at the alter.

What oh What Did Miss Curious Do This Time?!?!

Do not give a bored and stoned Miss Curious a computer. After listening to KriKri and GreenEyes' advice to give MySpace a try, I gave it look... to much discontent, I was greeted by shirtless photos, plucked eyebrows, and gelled hair -- then i double-checked to make sure it wasn't men for men... to more discontent, it wasn't.

What to do - what to do?!?! Get stoned of course. What not to do - What not to do?!?! Post on Craigslist of course.

Here's what an idiot I am: Tomorrow I'll post excerpts from the gazillion replies I received... I seem to be the 1st stoned individual to post on this shit: I still can't believe I did this... oh wait, yes I can.

stoned and could do this or watch donnie darko and old school - 27

i'm completely stoned right now and am stealing free wireless from my neighbor, so i decided to peruse craigs and i stumble upon these fabulously random - insane categories... do relationships or "come play with daddy m4w" things actually work?

right now my body is lightly (maybe medium lightly) shaking from how funny i think i am, but deep down know that i'm really not being funny and wonder if i have some ulterior motive for posting on women seeking men...

but anyway, here i am on this june afternoon with all the windows in my house rolled down, and i'm eating an apple and i'm hoping that this high would last forever... this is what i like doing sometimes (sometimes being the operative word)... perhaps you too? so i'm trying to decide if i want to watch donnie darko and get into that mood or watch old school and laugh uncontrollably (sp?)...

but then, there's always music.... maybe i should just drown myself with music... hmm... wish there was some amazing live show on tonight... but since i can't move, i think the ipod will suffice. okay okay... maybe i've missed the point of this whole thing... ultimately, i have a million people around me all the time, they're laughing - i'm laughing, and sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like the loneliest girl in the world... but then i also love to engage myself with amazing people and truly laugh and smile... and get lost at concerts and parks... the 'highs' the lows... so it'd just be nice to have someone for those lonely moments and beautiful moments.

yeah, sometimes i'd think it'd be nice when i'm not too stubborn or proud to admit it.

hmm. does anyone have some cheezits? those sound really good right now.

To No Avail

So, Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy are dating.

This morning, my boss and I discussed the idea of a “good match.” We thought about the people we know in relationships and what their dynamics are like. When I meet a person who is charismatic, intelligent, and witty, I’m often eager to meet his or her counterpart. More times than not the counterpart is much different. Their energies just don’t match.

As for Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy, I’d say they do match. I’d say they’re both powerhouses.

I want to be a “powerhouse” couple. I want someone just as insane as I am.

But anyway, random thoughts.

In my boredom, I have indeed been toying with the idea of MySpace dating once again. Although my 3 MySpace dates were ultimately unsuccessful, I did make-out with 2 out of 3, and that’s worth something… particularly since I’ve promised myself a nice summer MILKER GROPE.

To MySpace Date or not to MySpace Date… that is the question.


Toad Pee Visit:

While my visit with Toad Pee was lovely, I had such high hopes of her getting the visuals on Obsession and Lick My Face, but to no avail. Sorry Toad Pee, but I loved the catching up! Best of luck in Chicago my dear :)

Welcome to SF Toad Pee

Tonight I'm meeting up with an old friend from the Peace Corps. I haven't seen her in about 5 years... someone forwarded her my blog, and we got back in touch that way. Now that she's read all about my life over the past year, she'll get see some of the people and places in person.

With that said, this should be of no surprise, I'm taking her to Cheers tonight. Hopefully she'll get the visuals on Obsession and Lick My Face. Although there's no hope for requited love (hahaha), I still look forward to seeing both of them... i'd prefer to drool over Obsession these days as there haven't been more Lick My Face encounters... but I wouldn't say no to Lick My Face metamorphosing into Grope My Milkers. Hm. That's something to think about.

YET ANOTHER SHUT THE FUCK UP MS. CURIOUS

I'm having the "i have no friends" feelings again... okay, i have friends, just not that one person i hang out with all the time... i really should put an application out on craigslist for some new best friend. Hm. I think I might just do that. Tomorrow. But then of course, not so far back in my mind, I'll be wishing it were some hot guy and we'll be in love forever.

That would then turn the best friend application into an online dating bit... and like women forget how insanely painful childbirth is, i seem to always forget how insanely awkward and awful online dating is. Someone remind me.

But where oh where, will i find my next victim to torture with my stubborn, bitchy, sanctimonious attitude?

Why am I so fucking difficult and have isolation tendencies and act like I'm better than everyone when really I'm completely not .... and I just wish I were more pure... not in a lovely sweet innocent lady pure, but a pure where I'm unselfish and patient and empathetic and sympathetic and kind. Instead, i sit here with my bad habits and hating myself for not being all of those things... because sometimes i know i'm erring in my ways and i just can't help myself and then it's followed by this insane guilt. and sure i'm human and make mistakes, the same ones, again and again, but i'd still prefer not... i should transcend that bullshit because i'm acutely aware of every single flaw i hold and every single comment and action that i do whether right or wrong... trust me... miss curious can act like an oblivious asshole, but really in her head, she's thinking, "oh fuck - shit - why'd i just say that - shut the fuck up."

OH FUCKING JESUS - I AM TRULY INSANE AND SHOULD JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

SORRY. YET ANOTHER POST FOR THEE "BORRRINGG... ANONYMOUS COMMENTER"

PMS: The Closest Thing to Being a Man?

Last night I had a new revelation about PMS.
I stared out my 5th floor window and was pissed at everyone and everything… and all I could think about was food and sex.
Moody, hungry and horny as fuck.
An uncanny resemblance to a man.

I can go all month not caring much about sex, and then suddenly, I have this overwhelming desire to have my MILKERS groped. So, while PMSing, I have to “push myself over the edge” pretty regularly… when I run out of good fantasies to get me there, I resort to my Women’s Erotica collection. But then, I’ve had this collection for several years, and the stories have really lost their punch.

What does Miss Curious and her curiosity then decide to do? Casual Encounters. And NO, not partake, just read… there are some freaky men out there… and at my most horny, I’ll just read the things, but men, in their everyday state are posting this shit in hopes of actually getting to fulfill their RIM-JOB and DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL needs.

I personally don’t know any women who have partaken in a Casual Encounter. I do, however, know plenty of gay men who do it regularly. Gay men don’t have any heightened sexual desire, from what I understand… they just have more ready and willing No Strings Attached men who’s sexual hunger match one another. Women, by nature, are just less horny, so it’s the women who keep heterosexual men’s encounters to a minimum.

Thinking more about this, I recall many of my own experiences where I’ve been stunned by a man’s intense appetite for all things sexual.

I’m definitely on the more horny side when it comes to women… but men I’ve been with have done things that even in my horniest state I do not believe I’d ever do.

For instance, at least 4 men have gone down on me while I was on the rag… sex I can understand, but having your mouth down there in that bloody mess is just disgusting… if I were I guy, I wouldn’t do it, but I let several do it to me… and I’m not saying I had tampons on all those occasions… yup, some saw a pad and still went for it… but again, I let them… Gah-Ross…. One guy in particular was begging me to let him go down and even said, “I love taking the tampon out with my teeth.” Of course, he said it in a jocular tone, but I it’s no stretch to think he’d actually have done it.

Basically, even at my horniest during the PMS stage, I’m still not even close to most boys’ level… PMS gives me a superficial taste of their lives… their hunger for sex and food and their bitchy attitudes!!!

MISS CURIOUS – NOT SO SMART:

HOW DID MISS CURIOUS LEARN WHAT A CONDOM WAS?

Here’s the scene: Miss Curious is in 5th grade. She sits amongst 3 boys who are snickering beside her. One of them pipes up, “hey Miss Curious, I bet you don’t know what a condom is!?!”

Miss Curious in her feisty, fuck you boys, voice, “Yes I do!!!”

“Then what is it?”

“My parents live in one!”

My real dad and step mom lived in a Condominium at the time.

Lesson learned.

SPEAK GREEK?

I used to peruse the classifieds for female escorts with the name LaSassy (well, her real name). For some reason, LaSassy’s name is common amongst the call girls, so I enjoyed plastering her door with the ads.

Anyway, one day as I was sitting with my friend Jay, I noticed that many of the advertisements boasted, “Speaks Greek.”

Unfortunately I said this aloud to Jay, “Wow, I didn’t know so many people in the Greek community got call girls. And wow, so many of them are bilingual… good for them!”

The look that came over Jay’s face: Priceless.

Apparently “Speaking Greek” means “Takes it Up the Ass”

Lesson Learned.

Eat My Sweaty Ass Bitch!!!

I want to address ANONYMOUS' comment from my last post (and oh how easy it is to be Anonymous - you pussy!):

"Who really gives a fuck about your blog anymore? Borrrrrring... "

I think it's pretty fucking funny... What kind of fuck-head decides he or she actually needs to take the time to tell me he or she doesn't want to read my blog anymore? Why not just stop reading it? What a fucking loser!!! You can GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! :-)

However, I won't disagree... life has been a bit boring, and for now, I'm enjoying the slow pace... i'm not making any claims that is interesting... so go read someone else's blog asshole... much love, Miss Curious.

Now... onto the "Borrrrrring..." life I lead...

Last time I got drunk: Yesterday
Last time I got fucked: January
Last time someone went down on me: February
Last time I drunk dialed: Can’t Remember (thank fucking god)
Last time I got stoned: Yesterday
Next time I’ll get stoned: Tomorrow
Next show: Tomorrow (The Walkmen)
Next time I’ll stick my tongue down someone’s throat: Shooting for July

I was realizing yesterday that this is the longest I’ve gone without sex in 4 years… wow… I’m such a fucking slut. Something must be done about this. Hm.

But what? But how?

My mission is clear: to get my boobs groped by the end of July

Human Extinction, Who Really Gives a Fuck?

Post Bad Break-Up Wrap Up:

The final emails exchanged were constructive and conclusive. Meeting face to face would serve no real purpose other than truly catching up on the last 2 years. I suppose I didn’t really know what I expected… I suppose I always knew we wouldn’t become good friends again… I think I just wanted to check-in… for things to just be cool and to say ‘hey.’ But, he doesn’t seem to hate me, and he’s doing well… and that’s the end of it. On to something new!

And that’s too true. At the core of every ridiculous, unconventional thing I do, is boredom. I’m just fucking bored as shit and looking to get myself into trouble… looking for something to complain about, worry about, talk about… blah blah blah… so fine, this world isn’t Miss Curious-Centric, and I have to stop thinking about what a piece of dust I am.

With no events on the horizon and the swift death of the Bad Break-Up communication, I’ve moved onto more existential thoughts… it’s these thoughts that I try to prevent by getting worked up about meowing cats or drunk shopping… With that said, the following is aimless, depressing and boring… enjoy:

My latest obsession has been extinction of the human race. It almost without doubt will happen.

On Sunday, I decided to feed my obsession by checking out the documentary An Inconvenient Truth. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it’s about Al Gore trying to get the message out about Global Warming. Yes, since the Industrial Revolution (and even before then with advanced farming techniques), humans have been warming our shit up… and we’re swiftly approaching an atrocious climate change. Such a change could fuck our world up until we find ourselves reaching the same fate of the dinosaurs and the preludes to them.

What most people don’t know is that the extinction of the dinosaurs is not the only one of its kind. There have been several mass extinctions throughout history. Many of the causes are unknown.

Could we be the only living creatures to seriously expedite our extinction? Al Gore provides all these hopeful solutions for Global Warming, but the reality is, we’re gonna get fucked no matter what… nowhere did he mention infanticide, which is necessary in conjunction with all of these recycling, alternate sources of energy, blah blah blah practices. The population is going to put us over the edge.

Why must the human race continue? Would it be so awful if we didn’t? Would it be the end of the world? Probably not. The fauna always seems to survive. Just because we have useless consciousness does that mean we must survive?

It’s all so intriguing to me… it’s intriguing that I have so much self-importance, when really I’m NADA… and that’s actually kinda’ cool… kinda’ humbling. It’s this consciousness bit that humans have which really fuck us. Bleh.

Well shit, I could RAMBLE on and on about the history of mankind and/or living creatures, but I don't mean to bore you all more than I already have.

This statement can be applied any which way you like… it’s more than applicable to me!

The worst pain a man can suffer: to have insight into much and power over nothing.

- Herodotus (the disputed Father of History)

Since I'm Impossible...

Patience is a virtue of which I know nothing.
- Miss Curious

Since I haven't heard back from Bad Break-Up, I decided to give it one last try... and then, this will be it. Here's my final MySpace message to him:

I'm totally going to be a pain in your ass, so nothing new, right!?!! I have this really great idea... you decide you'll meet up with me... I'll come to Berkeley and make it completely easy on you... we'll have a drink... you'll tell me whats new... I'll give you advice on things I know nothing about... I'll tell you a few funny things, which is actually inevitable since everything I say is completely funny and totally irrelevant. We'll talk about the good times if we can think of any (just kidding!)... and then we'll leave on the best of terms, and should we bump into one another on the streets of Europe someday, we'll have our "good to see you's" and really mean it.

Humor me.

- Miss Curious

Slightly Unsatisfied

Bad Break-Up hasn't emailed me back since I wrote him the below post just over a week ago. We haven't been in touch in almost two years, and he's now in a new relationship, so I imagine I'm not much of a priority (which is truly understandable)... but I'd still like to hear from him.

As I mentioned, I would like to have some sort of face to face resolve. Hm.

And since I'm over-analytical amongst a million other vices, I can't help but wonder how their relationship has been so successful... what is it about her that has made things work? what's the secret?

And I hate that everyone always says that we had to learn this and that from this relationship and that relationship... then why, I ask, do some people get it right on the first try? Fuck that.

Bitter? hahaha! Well whatever.

With nothing better to complain about and not fathoming starving kids in Africa, I sit here obsessed with singledom... just today!??! hahaha! But c'mon the best selling bands, books, films, ballads, etc are all about fucking love... about everyone's obsession with it... so basically i'm just trying to fit in!!! Hahaha!

What is the first question people typically ask when you haven't seen an friend in a long while?!??!

"You dating anyone?"